IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future.

#societies #world #population #cost #healthcare #nation’s #provision #future
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The life
Correct article usage
Life
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 of expectancy has increased in the world today.
This
Linking Words
 makes
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
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 to sustain seniors in
government
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healthcare
Use synonyms
facilities
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.
Moveover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
Move over
, it will be ideal for the nation's
population
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 to look after the cost of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 over the
next
Linking Words
 years. There are several factors that support the before statement
such
Linking Words
 as the advance of
technology
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 and medicine for extending life, and some countries should support
taxes
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 for the payment of public
healthcare
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.
First
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 of all, the advance of
technology
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 increases the life expectancy of the
population
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, more seniors will be sent to a
healthcare
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 facility
that is
Linking Words
 supported by the
government
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the introduction of new drugs, health research, and medical machines
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
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 to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
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 the health of the
population
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. According to recent research of the University of Oxford, it was only after the 90s
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 people could live longer than 70 years old due to new discoveries in the field of
technology
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 and medicine.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
taxes
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 should be implemented in countries where
senior
Correct article usage
the senior
show examples
 age
population
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 is higher. The
government
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's
taxes
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 can be used for the construction of new
healthcare
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facilities
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 to accommodate seniors.
For instance
Linking Words
, Germany spent 50 per cent of its
taxes
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in
Change preposition
on
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 age care
facilities
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 that help to
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 the older
population
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 of the country. In conclusion, the unsustainable older
population
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 has been an issue for the
government
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 over the years.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Senior
Correct article usage
the Senior
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population
Use synonyms
 around the countries has been increased because of the advance
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 and medicine and the citizens should take care of
this
Linking Words
 situation by paying
taxes
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.
Submitted by cloudsontheroll on

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