IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future.

#societies #world #population #cost #healthcare #nation’s #provision #future
The life
Correct article usage
Life
show examples
 of expectancy has increased in the world today.
This
 makes
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 to sustain seniors in
government
healthcare
facilities
.
Moveover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
Move over
, it will be ideal for the nation's
population
 to look after the cost of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
facilities
 over the
next
 years. There are several factors that support the before statement
such
 as the advance of
technology
 and medicine for extending life, and some countries should support
taxes
 for the payment of public
healthcare
.
First
 of all, the advance of
technology
 increases the life expectancy of the
population
.
Therefore
, more seniors will be sent to a
healthcare
 facility
that is
 supported by the
government
.
In addition
, the introduction of new drugs, health research, and medical machines
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 the health of the
population
. According to recent research of the University of Oxford, it was only after the 90s
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 people could live longer than 70 years old due to new discoveries in the field of
technology
 and medicine.
Secondly
,
taxes
 should be implemented in countries where
senior
Correct article usage
the senior
show examples
 age
population
 is higher. The
government
's
taxes
 can be used for the construction of new
healthcare
facilities
 to accommodate seniors.
For instance
, Germany spent 50 per cent of its
taxes
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 age care
facilities
 that help to
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 the older
population
 of the country. In conclusion, the unsustainable older
population
 has been an issue for the
government
 over the years.
Nevertheless
,
Senior
Correct article usage
the Senior
show examples
population
 around the countries has been increased because of the advance
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
technology
 and medicine and the citizens should take care of
this
 situation by paying
taxes
.
Submitted by cloudsontheroll on

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