IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

#suggest #people #job #years #school #university
One
 of the most controversial issues today relates to many young people are faced some difficult
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 once their
graduation
Replace the word
graduate
show examples
 from high
school
.
By contrast
, there are some people who suggest that before
students
 attend
university
, they should seek employment for a few years. So,
this
 essay is going to examine
this
 question from both points of
view
. On the
one
 hand, many commentators are of the
view
 that there are disadvantages to taking a
job
 for a few years between
school
 and
university
. From their point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 the children who choose to work for a few years find it difficult to find a
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
job
 in the future.
This
 is because there
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 a lot of competition for
job
 positions,and the later you start working, the harder it
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 to find
your
Change the word
a
show examples
 suitable
job
. It is
also
 maintained that these
students
 may lose their habit of
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
.
Students
 are usually used to studying long hours and
this
 may make
university
 life much harder.
On the other hand
,there are those who subscribe to the
view
 that working immediately after
school
 has several benefits. They argue that the
person
 can become independent. For ,example people who earn their own money can afford to rent their own flat. It is
also
 believed that some of the money can be saved and used to
Correct your spelling
pay
show examples
play
Correct your spelling
pay
show examples
 for
university
 tuition. Another advantage is that working gives the
person
 some time to think about what would really like to study.
This
 is very useful if the
person
 is unsure about their future career. In my personal experience, there are disadvantages to working between
school
 and
university
.
One
 significant merit is that
students
 learn new skills that they can use in their future research. For ,
example
Add an article
the example
an example
show examples
 they learn to write a
job
 report using a word processor. Another positive aspect of having a
job
 before
university
 is that having a
job
 usually make the
person
 interested in continuing education.
Finally
 ,if each chooses their major more wisely. In conclusion,
although
 working right after
school
 might have some disadvantages, I believe the benefits are far more. Working before
university
 has positive effects on
one
's self-confidence and experience.
Submitted by Srpidehmahdi313 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: