IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The increased world demand for oil and gas has made it necessary for locating these sources in remote and untouched areas . Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging these natural areas?

#world #demand #oil #gas #sources #areas
It is suggested by many a man that
oil
 drilling should take place in those
areas
 where humans have failed to interfere in order to meet the escalating demand of the
fuel
 in the society.
This
 essay disagrees with
this
 statement because
although
this
 suggestion may reduce the price of the
fuel
 , the demerits in the form of threat to the
life
 of living organisms and marine
life
 certainly outstrip the merits. To commence with, finding the
fuel
 sources in untouched
areas
 can
costs
Change the verb form
cost
show examples
 human civilization dear in long run.
Firstly
, the
intital
Correct your spelling
initial
 cost of settling the infrastructure in the harsh conditions of remote
areas
 is quite high .
Evenif
Correct your spelling
Even if
Even
 the scientists get successful in working at the deserted islands, the chances of accidents caused by pipe leakages will always waver around their heads, and the catastrophic destruction caused by
such
 accidents to the marine
life
 would be uncontrollable. Who can
forgot
Change the verb form
forget
show examples
 the
oil
 spill
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Alaska in 1989, as a consequence of which 250000
sea-birds
Correct your spelling
sea birds
show examples
 and 2800 sea otters lost their
life
,
imbalancing
Correct your spelling
balancing
 the ecosystem? Not far behind is the risk of
life
that is
 evolved in doing
such
 drilling operations in the far-away
areas
 . The places like Alaska and Antarctica are equipped with -50c temperature which is certainly unhabitable for the individuals working there.
Therefore
, the workers put their
life
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
Add an article
a stake
the stake
show examples
stake
Correct your spelling
stage
show examples
 in a bid to extract
oil
 from the natural environment,which is totally unjustified
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 humanitarian grounds. Notwithstanding the risks involved in
oil
 extraction,the economists believe that exploring the serene arenas will bombard us with
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 supply of
oil
 that could lower the current escalated rates of
oil
 in several countries of the world.
Thus
, the lower prices would easily be affordable by the weaker section of society ,
therefore
boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
show examples
 the economy of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 .
For instance
, several middle-class Indians were unable to manage their household expenses, when it comes to reaching the price of diesel and petroleum at 100 per litre as per the recent survey conducted by
Human
Correct article usage
the Human
show examples
 Resource Department of India. To conclude, while every growing need of human beings come at a cost ,
alike
Correct your spelling
like
show examples
 the cost of
oil
 extraction from the remote
areas
 will be paid by marine creatures and the
oil
 specialists working there, despite the fact that
this
 extraction will meet the rising demand of
fuel
 at
global
Add an article
the global
a global
show examples
 level.
Thus
, the disadvantages outlaw the merits.
Submitted by sakshisingla9697 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: