IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Because many children are not able to learn foreign languages, schools should not force them to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #languages #schools #force
Learning many
languages
 could bring
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
 for
children
 in the future.
However
 there is a debatable view that believes when
children
 cannot cope with the progress of studying foreign
languages
,
then
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 should not do anything
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 it. Personally, I do not think so. I believe that
school
 have to act as a leader in forcing
children
 in a good way to develop more abilities in
languages
. Within
this
 essay, I will explain more both views in pros and contras, and support
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with examples.
First
 of all, having a multi-language person could bring young learners to get more
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 and
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 later on.
For example
, nowadays in Indonesia, working in a multinational company required employees to have an ability in English.
In other words
, it will be a great opportunity, if people have a
proficient
Replace the word
proficiency
show examples
at
Change preposition
in at
show examples
 least 2
languages
 (Indonesia as
native
Correct pronoun usage
their native
show examples
 language and English as an international language).
Therefore
, kids should
be train
Change the verb form
be trained
show examples
 from now in order to prepare
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 career future. Notwithstanding, there are some schools where the principals combine materialistic
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 on the learning process.
For instance
, forcing students to take extra lessons in order to achieve good scores on it. Since the financial condition for every
kids
Change to a singular noun
kid
show examples
 might
different
Add a missing verb
be different
show examples
one
Change preposition
from one
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
another, it could bring
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social inequality and pressure.
Hence
, it is not a proper way to make students specialise in foreign
languages
 by pushing them to spend
Remove the article
apply
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
any
show examples
 extra money on it. In exchange, it should be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 responsibility
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the teachers to give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free material in the class
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and motivate students to study, since nowadays there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of free education
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
,
such
 as youtube. To
sum-up
Correct your spelling
sum up
show examples
 my essay,
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 needs to teach
children
 in learning
languages
, so that young learners can prepare ability for their career in the future. Whereas
school
 forces the
children
, it can
be perform
Change the verb form
be performed
show examples
 as long as in a good intention.
Submitted by andri.saputraozz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: