Nowadays many people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of news. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
believe that getting a
university
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degree is the best path to succeed in life,
while
Linking Words
others think that
ones
Replace the word
one
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
not need to graduate from a
university
Use synonyms
to become successful. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will be discussing both views and giving my opinion. Nowadays, a standard to be employed in a good company in order to earn a high salary is to have a
university
Use synonyms
education.
In other words
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, most organizations require their employees to have at least a bachelor's degree.
For instance
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, in Thailand, a degree from a particular
university
Use synonyms
can determine what company each person can join, which is the more reputable
university
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, the better job position.
In contrast
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, if a person has
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
education
levels
Fix the agreement mistake
level
show examples
,
one
Use synonyms
can only become a labour force or worker.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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can become successful without
university
Use synonyms
degrees.
For example
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, the most popular social media platform, Facebook, was established by a
university
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student
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
later decided to drop out of school to pursue his career.
That is
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to say, without
university
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degrees,
one
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can achieve success in their career.
However
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, the chances are slim for ordinary
people
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, in which the possibility can be only
one
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in a million. To succeed
while
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having lower education levels requires
talents
Fix the agreement mistake
talent
show examples
, money, and
lucks
Correct subject-verb agreement
luck
show examples
, and most
people
Use synonyms
do not acquire all of these requirements. In conclusion,
although
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some
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
can achieve promising careers, the chances that it will happen to the majority of
people
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are slim. Graduating from a
university
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is the best guarantee that
one
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will be employed in a good firm.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more developed. Ensure a clear thesis statement and summary of main points are included in both sections.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Consider discussing the advantages and disadvantages in more detail to enhance the task response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instant communication
  • Geographical separation
  • Vital sources
  • Global events
  • Networking opportunities
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Digital interactions
  • Misinformation
  • Misiformed public opinions
  • Endanger
  • Excessive use
  • Addiction
  • Mental health
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Loneliness
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