IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subject. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss and give opinion?

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Some academic
students
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 present the view that acquiring knowledge about other
areas
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as well as
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 their main study is important,
whereas
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 others believe
students
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 should pay attention only to their main discipline. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that learning additional subjects gives
students
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 a good insight to combine their main discipline with other
areas
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. Nowadays, we live in a more complex world than past times. In order to get ready for better and more efficient
jobs
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 in
future
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,
students
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 should know about other
areas
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 that are related more or less to their main subject.
For instance
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, these days, software developers must not only have knowledge and skills in programming but
also
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 they should know how machinery is operated and how operators manage their
jobs
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 in order to develop automation that works efficiently.
On the other hand
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, another group of people claim that a perfect qualification in one single subject is crucial for the success of
students
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 in
future
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. They insist that
students
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 must pay all their attention and time to their main field of study in order to become experts. They believe that having Expertise in one main subject is enough to be successful in
future
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. They exemplify scientists
such
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 as Einstein who dedicated his life to physics and won a Nobel prize.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as a majority of
students
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 need to engage with other
areas
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 of science these days. In
future
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,
jobs
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 and science are going to be extremely related to each other as even we can see a lot of Interdisciplinary majors in universities.
To conclude
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, in my view,
students
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 should have wisdom in other fields too. Being familiar with other fields helps them to solve problems more easily and prosper in their
jobs
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.
Moreover
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, Interdisciplinary skills open the door to success.

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task achievement
To further strengthen your essay, consider providing more specific examples, particularly in the second body paragraph where you refer to renowned scientists like Einstein. Explaining how these examples directly relate to your argument can make your points even more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. You can achieve this by better linking ideas between paragraphs, thus improving the overall readability and logical progression of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader easily follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
You provide balanced arguments for both sides, which enriches your discussion and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You effectively use appropriate examples to support your main points, such as the example of software developers needing interdisciplinary knowledge.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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