IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #purpose #schools #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
The role of schools and the
education
 system always remains the question of discussion, all over the globe.Some people's belief is that schools convert
students
 into good
citizens
 and workers for industries.But, do not help in their personal development. I will be on half and half on
this
 issue and
further
 explain my position in the
next
 paragraphs.
Firstly
,parents send their children to
school
 for
education
 as ,after completion of the study,they can earn good money and live happily.Now syllabus of the
school
 is designed in the way that after finishing
school
students
 will become responsible
citizens
 who will follow rules and regulations of the nation and pay some taxes from salary so the country will run smoothly.
Therefore
 now my question is where's the part of personal development,character building,and all directional stability of the brain to absorb failure or success with mental stability.
Students
 taught subjects in
school
 and after
school
 at university level professional skills, according to the faculty they choose in their carrier pathways. so ,in the present
education
 system ,I do not see anything which spins around
students
 personality,morality or capacity building,it goes for preparing better
citizens
,employees or responsible individuals.
Therefore
, I think today's
education
 system needs reforms to accommodate those requirements and implement those changes, huge funding either from society or from governments. Everything is available for creating good workers for industries or
on the other hand
 preparing imperative netizens. In
this
 ,process
students
 learn reading,writing and mathematical skills,which I think are vital skills a person need for a better life.
Therefore
,I partially go with the statement that schools are machinery for making great
citizens
 and employees while helping little in personal development.
Submitted by mahesh029 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • foundational knowledge
  • career success
  • economic contribution
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced education
  • community well-being
  • holistic education
  • academic and personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: