IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motor-bike. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
 is the one important thing for
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life security. Some people think that the best way to shift
safety
Use synonyms
 levels is to raise the
age
Use synonyms
 of drivers. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and the following examples will be provided in order to support my point of view.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the most important reason is that most tragic
accidents
Use synonyms
 happen because of carelessness about how old the offenders are,
thus
Linking Words
 increasing the minimum legal
age
Use synonyms
 for driving a car or motorbike will be useful.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the latest poll conducted by Bangkok University, it has been reported that 90% of all
accidents
Use synonyms
 in 2021 have been committed by middle-aged people who have been drunk.
Therefore
Linking Words
, raising the
age
Use synonyms
 of legal drivers is not the best way to develop
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 promoting
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
 awareness is more important.
Secondly
Linking Words
, another significant reason why increasing the legal
age
Use synonyms
 of
road
Use synonyms
 users will not increase
safety
Use synonyms
 on the lane is unsafe conditions of the subway
such
Linking Words
 as not enough lightning, not appropriate traffic signs or even deteriorated vehicles.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent news, it has been revealed that 70% of places that had
accidents
Use synonyms
 more than one time have unsecured conditions since they have not been maintained or fixed for a long time.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 refers to the facilities
Correct word choice
and
show examples
infrastructure of the nation
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the environment is the most important cause of
road
Use synonyms
 disasters. In conclusion, I strongly believe that increasing
legal
Correct article usage
the legal
show examples
drivers
Correct quantifier usage
number of drivers
show examples
 will not improve
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 increasing respective laws and improving roadway conditions are more than important to reduce car
accidents
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to structure your paragraphs more clearly with distinct topic sentences that indicate the main idea of each paragraph. This will help with logical flow.
task achievement
Ensure to provide a clearer position in your introduction, perhaps by stating 'I completely disagree with the notion that raising the minimum age for driving improves road safety.' This strengthens your stance.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and varied sentence structures to enhance your writing style.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines your position and sets the tone for your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which enhances the overall persuasiveness of your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: