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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some Vinhomes areas, fast food, prepared meals, and sugary drinks are now sold in more shops and at lower prices than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#vinhomes #areas #food #meals #drinks #shops #prices #development
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Nowadays
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Nowaday
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Nowadays
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, fast
food
,
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apply
show examples
 prepared
meals
, and sugary drinks are getting popular among people.Most of the
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 prepare them fast and sell them at
reasonable
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a reasonable
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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. In my opinion, developing in
these fast-
Change the determiner
this fast-food industry
these fast-food industries
show examples
food
 industry can damage our health more than the benefits that we receive from it. on the one hand, there are some benefits to using fast
food
.
Firstly
,
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they
show examples
the
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they
show examples
 are prepared so quickly, so
instead
 of spending a lot of time making
food
 in the kitchen like
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past, they might save our time for other reasons.
For example
, we may be more productive in the workplace because thinking about
wthat
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what
 we
shloul
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should
 make for lunch, dinner, or other
meals
 distract our energy from focusing on work to other things.
Also
, we could spend more time with our family or any persons that we love them
such
 as our kid...
Secondly
, the
fast
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fast-food
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food
industy
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industry
 is one of the most prominent
entrepreneus
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entrepreneurs
entrepreneur
 in the world. Millions of people are working in
this
areaand
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area and
 have income. As an example, many international students work in fast
food
 for the
frist
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first
 year of student and pay their university tuition via
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of job.
As a result
, fast
food
 might have advantages that we should not ignore.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons why fast
food
, prepared
meals
... are harmful to our health.
Fristly
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Firstly
First
, they have full of fat and calories. So, they often
cause
 gaining weight.
For instance
, one Macdonald's
cheeseburge
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cheeseburger
 has about 600-kilo calories
fat
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of fat
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that
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which
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 is too high
in contrast
 to healthy foods.
Secondly
, most fast
food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 prepared
meals
,...have high salt content that
cause
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causes
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 blood pressure (hypertension).
Doctor
Add an article
The doctor
A doctor
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 usually recommend their patient not
eat
Fix the infinitive
to eat
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 high salt
food
. My friends with hypertension
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
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 called emergency
helper
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helpers
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 when they eat fast
food
 (because the
bood
Correct your spelling
blood
 pressure went up).
Finally
, these
food
 are the
cause
 of high cholesterol in
blood
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the blood
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,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 particularly and
cause
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the cause
show examples
 of heart attack, so well-
deing
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being
 problems are more important than other
acpects
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aspects
 of fast
food
's advantages. In
conculsion
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conclusion
, while fast
food
 maybe has benefits, especially for entrepreneurs , its damages are more bad effect on our
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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