IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Health education is an essential aspect of community health. Do you agree or disagree?

These days
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 plays a very
big
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
vital role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
 in any part of the country in our modern society. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as with
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 many individuals will know how to
care
Use synonyms
 for their own personal hygiene
as well as
Linking Words
 the basic knowledge of taking
care
Use synonyms
 of themselves if they fall sick. With
this
Linking Words
 specific type of
education
Use synonyms
 being put in place in the
community
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
, people will
firstly
Linking Words
, know how to
care
Use synonyms
 for their own personal hygiene
such
Linking Words
 as taking a shower daily,
washing
Correct word choice
and washing
show examples
 their hands before every meal.
As these
Correct word choice
These
show examples
 are the few common reasons that contribute to poor
health
Use synonyms
 in the rural areas of some countries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with
this
Linking Words
 knowledge being in place, the
community
Use synonyms
 will
then
Linking Words
 know how to better take
care
Use synonyms
 of themselves
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which will lead to a lower number of people falling sick or dying
due to
Linking Words
 common illness.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the public will have the basic knowledge of which medicine to eat when they are ill.
For instance
Linking Words
,normal flu or headache can be simply cured by taking painkillers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with
this
Linking Words
 ,
teaching
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 the public can go to the nearest clinic or polyclinic to visit a doctor for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
common
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the emergency ward at the hospital which is intended for serious cases.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is an important element in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
. With
this
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 must be enforced strongly in the rural parts of the country as many people will better know how to take
care
Use synonyms
 of themselves and not fall sick easily.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic but lacks depth and clarity in addressing the key points. The examples provided are somewhat relevant but could be more specific and detailed.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effectively structured to provide a clear roadmap for the essay and a strong sense of closure. The connection between ideas within paragraphs is somewhat unclear, leading to a lack of coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • awareness
  • lifestyle choices
  • early detection
  • management of diseases
  • burden on healthcare
  • culture of prevention
  • chronic diseases
  • empowers
  • personal responsibility
  • health disparities
  • at-risk populations
  • social equity
  • public health guidelines
  • community resilience
  • health crises
  • preventive measures
  • healthcare costs
  • future generation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: