IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Health education is an essential aspect of community health. Do you agree or disagree?

#health #education #aspect #community
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These days
health
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education
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 plays a very
big
Correct word choice
apply
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vital role in
the
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apply
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community
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health
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 in any part of the country in our modern society. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement as with
health
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education
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 many individuals will know how to
care
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 for their own personal hygiene
as well as
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 the basic knowledge of taking
care
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 of themselves if they fall sick. With
this
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 specific type of
education
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 being put in place in the
community
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health
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, people will
firstly
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, know how to
care
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 for their own personal hygiene
such
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 as taking a shower daily,
washing
Correct word choice
and washing
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 their hands before every meal.
As these
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These
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 are the few common reasons that contribute to poor
health
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 in the rural areas of some countries.
Furthermore
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, with
this
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 knowledge being in place, the
community
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 will
then
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 know how to better take
care
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 of themselves
in
Change preposition
apply
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which will lead to a lower number of people falling sick or dying
due to
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 common illness.
Secondly
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, the public will have the basic knowledge of which medicine to eat when they are ill.
For instance
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,normal flu or headache can be simply cured by taking painkillers.
Furthermore
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, with
this
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 ,
teaching
Verb problem
apply
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 the public can go to the nearest clinic or polyclinic to visit a doctor for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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common
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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instead
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 of going to the emergency ward at the hospital which is intended for serious cases.
To conclude
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,
health
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education
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 is an important element in
the
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apply
show examples
community
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health
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. With
this
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,
health
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education
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 must be enforced strongly in the rural parts of the country as many people will better know how to take
care
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 of themselves and not fall sick easily.
Submitted by sgwoshipotato on

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task response
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic but lacks depth and clarity in addressing the key points. The examples provided are somewhat relevant but could be more specific and detailed.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effectively structured to provide a clear roadmap for the essay and a strong sense of closure. The connection between ideas within paragraphs is somewhat unclear, leading to a lack of coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • awareness
  • lifestyle choices
  • early detection
  • management of diseases
  • burden on healthcare
  • culture of prevention
  • chronic diseases
  • empowers
  • personal responsibility
  • health disparities
  • at-risk populations
  • social equity
  • public health guidelines
  • community resilience
  • health crises
  • preventive measures
  • healthcare costs
  • future generation
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