IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many societies, income inequality has become a pervasive issue with far-reaching consequences. Discuss the causes of income inequality and propose effective solutions to address this challenge. In your essay, consider the impact of educational disparities and the unequal distribution of wealth.

#societies #income #inequality #consequences #address #challenge #impact #disparities #distribution #wealth
Many economies around the world are currently facing the adverse ramifications of
income
inequality
, and it directly affects the financial well-being of
people
.
This
 essay will first suggest that the biggest
problems
 caused by
income
inequality
 are the huge gap in the quality of
education
 among
children
 and the unequal
distribution
 of
wealth
 and
then
 argue that
government
 subsidies and increasing tax rates for high-
income
 earning
groups
 are the most viable solutions. The foremost problem caused by
income
inequality
 is the educational disparities among
children
.
People
 earning high
income
 can afford more quality
education
 like a master’s degree as tuition costs are very high
while
children
 belonging to low-
income
groups
 cannot afford a master’s degree even if they are smart enough to pursue the master’s degree, and it creates a gap in
education
 qualification because of
income
inequality
.
Furthermore
,
income
inequality
also
 causes unequal
distribution
 of
wealth
, which leads to rich
people
 getting richer and poor
people
 remaining in the same
income
class
.
As a result
, a gap in
people
's living standards widens to a great extent.
For example
, in a recent survey in India, it was found that the richest 5% of the country is contributing 80% towards the
overall
 GDP. Possible solutions to these
problems
 would be to subsidize
education
 for low-
income
groups
 and levy high taxes on the high-
income
class
.
Government
 subsidies can drastically reduce
education
 costs and, make higher
education
 more affordable for
children
 belonging to low-
income
groups
.
Furthermore
, levying high taxes on high-
income
groups
 helps create an equal
distribution
 of
wealth
 among
people
, and collected tax can be used to fund
Government
 programs designed to improve the standard of living for low-
income
class
people
. In conclusion,
income
inequality
 causes serious
problems
 to the economy, and
education
 disparities and unequal
distribution
 of
wealth
 are among the major
problems
 caused by it.
However
, providing ample amounts of
government
 subsidies and levying high taxes on rich
people
 can solve most of the major
problems
 by utilizing tax money for the welfare of the low-
income
class
.
Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on

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Task Response
Work on developing a clearer and more persuasive introduction and conclusion. Make sure your thesis statement is specifically outlined, and your conclusion summaries the key points effectively.
Task Response
Expand your examples by providing more depth and specificity. Make sure to detail how educational disparities occur and illustrate the process of wealth redistribution with more specific, real-world examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure logical transitions between paragraphs and sentences to improve the flow of ideas. Use a variety of linking phrases to better connect your paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to expand your arguments by including a wider range of examples and potentially counterarguments to strengthen your case.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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