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Band 5.5

Working long hours causes a great deal of stress and can be very bad for one's health. VinMec’s top management must find a way to reduce this type of stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#hours #stress #health #vinmec’s #management #type
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Nowadays
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Nowaday
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Nowadays
show examples
 most
of
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apply
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workers
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the workers
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 not only doctors must
work
 all of the day and
this
 can cause a lot of negative effects on their
health
. Solving
this
 problem is the most
importan
Correct your spelling
important
 for the management of the Vinmec director board. In my opinion, I totally agree with both views.
First
 of all, working for a long
time
 can cause many
health
 problems to the employees especially heavily stress. On the one hand, stress can cause many
health
 problems relevant
with
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to
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psychologic
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psychological
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 disorders,
autisim
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autism
 spectrum and even causing the self-
dealth
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death
.
On the other hand
, people who
works
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work
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 in
less
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a less
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activity
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active
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 environment for a long
time
 may
also
 lead to some major diseases
such
 as hypertension, diabetes and
obeses
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obese
. These chronic diseases may harm their body and need a lot of
time
 and money to treat when the
carrees
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carries
 become older. The management of Vinmec hospital must do some methods to fix
this
 severe condition. Reducing the
time
 at
work
 is the
first
 necessary way to help the workers avoid
to
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apply
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stress. The worker just
need
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needs
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 to
work
 at
hospital
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the hospital
a hospital
show examples
 for 6 hours in 5 days
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instead
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in stead
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instead
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 of 8 hours in 6 days like
this
 moment. The board can recruit more
dortors
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doctors
 and nurses who have enough
experiences
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experience
show examples
 to
contrubute
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contribute
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
resouces
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resources
.
Additionally
, appropriate
arrangement
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arrangements
show examples
 about
time
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the time
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 of schedule might bring significant benefit to
hospital
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the hospital
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 to reduce the wasting
time
.
Finally
, increasing the salary for the employees can help them have a high
quaily
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quality
 of life, from there, can improve the
work
perfomance
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performance
. I completely agree that working hard
in
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for
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 a long period of
time
 can lead to
serious
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a serious
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 for the
health
 condition of the workers and the chef of
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
show examples
 must give some ways to decrease
this
 type of matter.
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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