IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

1. Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be healthy and have a balanced diet. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #diet #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
 accelerated world where we are living at the moment results easy to delegate education
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 to teachers, nowadays, parents expect
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
 to educate
children
 in values and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 as well as sciences and languages. There are different points of view for
this
 topic and it would be
discussing
Wrong verb form
discussed
show examples
 in
this
 essay.
Children
 spend most of their time at
school
, probably
that is
 the reason why people think
this
 important task should be delivered by them.
However
,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle and how to keep a balanced diet in my opinion should be a family responsibility, encouraging
children
 to have an outdoor preference
instead
 of a sedentary one and choose fruit and vegetables
instead
 of fast food.
For instance
, in a family with healthy habits where they prefer to do some sports and prepare their own meal it is more likely to follow
this
 conduct in
school
.
On the other hand
,
children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 learned at home to stay sitting on the couch watching television or playing with their phones while they are eating junk food, it is unlikely they will enjoy an outdoor day at
school
 exercising.
Therefore
, it is not a
school
 responsibility to promote a healthy lifestyle, because it is a conduct that
children
 incorporate in early childhood. In conclusion, schools can support what families encourage
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
 to learn and the habits that they are developing.
Furthermore
, schools can introduce as well discipline to follow
this
 routine.
Nevertheless
, bad habits acquired at home can be
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
detrimental nurture for offspring.
Submitted by manzardo.serena on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: