IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Working long hours causes a great deal of stress and can be very bad for one's health. VinMec’s top management must find a way to reduce this type of stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#hours #stress #health #vinmec’s #management #type
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Over the
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past
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pass
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past
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 decades, people have
a
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had a
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good
attitute
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attitude
to
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toward
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 their health and quality of life. Health
care
system
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systems
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 are going to face with
overload
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an overload
the overload
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 of work.
This
 issue
is increase
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is increased
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 by the pandemic significantly,
this
 concern as to whether the
selfcare
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self-care
self care
 should be attention
to
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to to
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 reduce our burnout
along
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withalong
show examples
 daily task.
My
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In my
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 opinion, the merits of stress control should never be
necglected
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neglected
.
Firstly
, doctors are always in
critical
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a critical
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situation
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situations
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 when they
care
the
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for the
show examples
 patient. Stress limits
the
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apply
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good
interpersonnal
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interpersonal
interraction
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interaction
. So, it will affect to result of treatment as well as the emotion of the patient.
For example
, when the doctor in duty, he has to give
a
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the
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 best
dicision
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decision
 by himself if he
in
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is in
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 good mood. Contrary, it's easy to do bad
decision
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decisions
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in
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at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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night if he was a
longday
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long day
 tired.
Secondly
, the conflict in the
team work
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teamwork
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 may affect to the mood and decision on many occasions. New
procedure
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procedures
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 or technic may apply to but it depends on how many
time
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times
show examples
 and how long you do it. There are always
diffirence
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difference
differences
 between
doctor
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doctors
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.
This
proplem
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problem
 may cause the
streefull
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stressful
 in healthcare management.
However
, as a doctor, we should find the solution to reduce that burden. We should
learning
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learn
be learning
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 to
upgrate
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upgrade
 and update our knowledge to be more confident in whether
difficul
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difficult
 situation. Team working skill is most important in the hospital environment. The manager
shoud
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should
 open the extra course soft skill of
care
 team to have a good cor-
oporation
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operation
poration
 in the working day. In
concusion
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conclusion
concussion
, under no circumstances should government let
sefl
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self
care
 attitude elevate by their policy and remuneration to help medicine
caregiver
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caregivers
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. Stress is one
react
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reaction
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 to protect
oursefl
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yourself
, but it
take
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takes
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over flow
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overflow
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, it will bad for
every one's
Replace the word
everyone's
show examples
 health.
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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