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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is well known that technological and scientific advancements have brought great changes in the range and quality of our food. Some people consider it an improvement while others believe that the change is harmful. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Many
people
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 understand that the growing advancement of technology and science promotes the variety and quality of
food
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.
While
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 some
people
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 think
this
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 is a positive improvement, others are sceptical of its potential negative consequences. I partially support the former view, for it can save thousands of lives of those suffering from starvation regardless of some dangers of products invented artificially. On the one hand, the improvement of machinery and science will lead to an increase in
food
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, which promotes better health conditions for
people
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 around the world.
In other words
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,
people
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 have more choices of different kinds of harvests.
This
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 allows them to absorb more essential nutrients and minerals, which provide more physical strength that supports their daily activities.
For instance
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, a number of starving children in developing nations have already been saved as they are able to access more
food
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 imported from Western countries
such
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 as the United States whose technology is so advanced to produce healthy
food
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.
Therefore
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, it not only leads to a lower rate of death but
also
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 promotes their learning opportunities so they can gain various knowledge and skills, which sustains the local economy in the future.
On the other hand
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, there is a threat of some agricultural products being created to harm
people
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's health. Indeed, there are often serious side effects that come with artificially invented vegetables and fruits.
Although
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 a wide range of beans are being produced by
people
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 transforming their genes to contain more nutrients, the excessive consumption of
such
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 genetically modified
food
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 is likely to increase the rate of cancer and other diseases
due to
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 unexpected chemical reactions.
Furthermore
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, the spread of these modified harvests may shorten their longevity in the long run.
Consequently
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, there will be a growing sense of insecurity toward the
food
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 since many
people
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 start to doubt their biological content. In conclusion, I somewhat believe that incredible progress will be made in the range and quality of
food
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 with the latest automation and science because the growth of nutritious meals can save many lives , especially in developing countries.
However
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,
people
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 should not neglect the fact that agricultural products whose genes are transformed by humans can be harmful and raise risks of getting serious diseases.

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task achievement
Great job addressing both views and providing your own opinion. It would be beneficial to expand a bit more on the potential negative consequences you mentioned to provide a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with clear introduction and conclusion. Improve the logical flow by connecting ideas more smoothly between paragraphs, and ensure each point supports your thesis clearly.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. This could involve providing more in-depth analysis and exploring counterarguments to strengthen your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Although your points are coherent, work on connecting sentences within paragraphs better. Use more transitional phrases to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides relevant and specific examples which effectively support your main points, making your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed, providing a clear framework for your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancements
  • scientific advancements
  • food production
  • global hunger
  • food security
  • genetically modified organisms (GMOs)
  • pests
  • diseases
  • environmental conditions
  • chemical pesticides
  • fertilizers
  • food preservation
  • packaging technologies
  • shelf-life
  • perishable products
  • food waste
  • accessible food supply
  • long-term health effects
  • heavily processed foods
  • industrialization
  • ethical concerns
  • environmental concerns
  • factory farms
  • antibiotics
  • natural resources
  • organic farming
  • traditional farming
  • sustainable
  • biodiversity
  • soil health
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