IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Social Media has helped us increase our virtual networks. This has isolated us physically, making us socially awkward in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

With the growth of social
media
Use synonyms
 in recent times, we have completely changed the way we interact with
people
Use synonyms
 in our daily lives.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
Linking Words
 made us socially awkward
others
Punctuation problem
, others
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 opine
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
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 helped many to overcome their social anxiety. It has helped
people
Use synonyms
 overcome their worst fears in interacting with
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I don't agree that it makes our physical interactions uncomfortable. First of all, by growing our social
media
Use synonyms
presence
Punctuation problem
presence,
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 we could make connections with
people
Use synonyms
 worldwide
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 wouldn't have been possible
otherwise
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.
This
Linking Words
 will encourage us to interact with
people
Use synonyms
 from different cultures and vivid personalities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 builds confidence with every interaction and can be carried over in real life.
For instance
Linking Words
, without social
media
Use synonyms
, we would make very few friends
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 limit our worldview and hinder our confidence.
Therefore
Linking Words
, virtual interactions can be very helpful in tackling awkwardness.
Secondly
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, it helps us to find groups with similar interests
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 learning or exploring more fun. Often, we struggle to find companions with similar interests in group
activities
Punctuation problem
activities,
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 where
people
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 are sometimes forced to get
along with
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 the rest of the team to not sound rude.
For example
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,
people
Use synonyms
 interested in making sandcastles can form a group and get together on a holiday. Social
media
Use synonyms
 has become a standard place to meet like-minded
people
Use synonyms
 virtually first. It helps them to form meaningful connections
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 encourages them to participate without feeling pressure.
Therefore
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, it doesn't make our physical interaction awkward but helps us
in making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 it more beautiful.

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task response
Your clear stance is good. Keep the view from the start and restate it in the end.
coherence
Use simple link words to show idea flow between paragraphs. Also try to avoid repeating 'therefore' many times.
coherence
Add a short plan in the intro, 2-3 main ideas, and finish with a clear summary in the conclusion.
task response
Give more real examples that fit the idea. Try to avoid odd examples like sandcastles; use simple, real life examples.
linguistic
Check grammar. Some sentences are long and can be split for ease of reading.
task response
Clear position against the statement
content
Some good ideas on how social media helps social life
coherence
Good effort to connect ideas, not just say yes or no
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connect
  • online
  • offline
  • face-to-face
  • real life
  • social
  • media
  • networks
  • relationships
  • awkward
  • shy
  • confident
  • increase
  • decrease
  • benefit
  • drawback
  • active
  • passive
  • interaction
  • habit
  • balance
  • practice
  • communication
  • support
  • community
  • time
  • meetup
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