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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some argue that by adding more areas to play sports,
people
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’s
health
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 can be improved, while others argue that other actions are needed.
People
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 think that when
people
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 have easy access to sports facilities, they tend to exercise frequently and that their
health
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 will improve. I believe that educating
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 about healthy eating will yield the expected improvement in the
health
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 of
public
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the public
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.
People
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 tend to go and play a
sport
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 with their friends
,
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apply
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 if the
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 facility is closer to where they live and work. Because they do not need to waste time commuting to those places and if they play frequently, their
health
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 will have a positive impact.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study found that
,
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apply
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 there was a 5% increase in playing badminton
,
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apply
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 when the badminton court is placed within walking distance.
However
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, in my opinion,
people
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 tend to play less because of
the
Change the word
their
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 busy lifestyle.
On the other hand
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, it is thought that participating in healthy eating workshops have a positive impact on the
health
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 of
people
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.
This
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 action can reduce the amount of salt and oil consumed from fast food and
this
Linking Words
 will reduce the risk of heart attacks.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study found that
,
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apply
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 participants who attended a workshop on healthy eating, reduced their fast food intake by 2%. I believe
this
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 thought is preferable because changing the mindset of
the
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apply
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society about the consumption of fast food, will help to improve public
health
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. In conclusion,
although
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 creating
increased
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an increased
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 number of
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 areas, give more opportunities to play and improve the
health
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, in my opinion, because of the busy lifestyles,
people
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 do not play a
sport
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.
This
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 has a negative effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
health
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 and alternate actions
such
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 as educating the public about healthy eating will have a more positive effect on the
health
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 of the
people
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.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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