IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that robots are very important to human’s future development, while others think they are dangerous and have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #robots #human’s #future #development #effects #society
Few people are of the opinion that robots are prominent for human's future development,
whereas
, some argue they are harmful and have adverse effects on the community. Though every scientist invents new technology to pose that in the right way,
this
 new technology
also
 has its pros and cons, in accordance with the usage of the automaton.
Firstly
 talking about the disadvantages of andriod, these are now using artificial intelligence which is
otherwise
 known as AI. Governments are planning to use them on the war front because they are programmed brilliantly, which is a dangerous decision, as they are programmed to wage a war on the opponent, irrespective of humans or another robot. These days they are
also
 using them to hack computers and security systems
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Alternatively, those machines are next-level technology, they are helpful in various ways. They are programmed in
such
 a way,
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 can complete a particular task in no time, which
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be performed by multiple persons. They reduce the time and save human efforts, thereby giving a handsome profit to the companies. Nowadays we find them, particularly in manufacturing units, FMCG's, etc. They are doing a great job, in the aspects of helping humankind in domestic help
also
. Most importantly we are
furthermore
 using them in satellites to collect more information on various particulars in detail.
To conclude
, all the new revolutionary technologies have both sides of a coin, i.e., if used in a positive moto, they are a lot of use for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, else they even destroy mankind.
Submitted by sirisha.pulla on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction lacks clarity and does not clearly mention the two opposing views. Try to make the introduction more clear and concise by stating the two views clearly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and well-developed structure. Try to organize your ideas into paragraphs and use topic sentences to introduce each new idea.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your main points and provide more detailed explanations. This will make your essay more coherent and logical.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay that affect the clarity of your ideas.
lexical resource
Improve your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases. This will help to make your essay more sophisticated and show a stronger command of English.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Artificial intelligence
  • Automation
  • Technological advancements
  • Workforce displacement
  • Ethical considerations
  • Innovation
  • Labor market
  • Safety protocols
  • Machine learning
  • Human-robot interaction
  • Economic impact
  • Job creation
  • Cybersecurity
  • Autonomous
  • Precision
  • Dependency
  • Regulation
  • Risk assessment
  • Adaptation
  • Unemployment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: