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Some people encourage young children to leave their parents house as soon as they become adults while other say children should stay at their parents house as long as possible. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #children #parents #house #adults
It is argued that
parents
 should ask their offspring to leave their
home
 when they attain the age of adulthood,
while
 others say that
parents
 should allow their
children
 to live with them as much time as their
children
 want.
While
 living alone
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
 more responsible, I believe that there should be no obligation to leave their
parents
’
home
 as
this
 will give
people
 time to build their career. On the one hand, the supporters of the prior viewpoint say that leaving
home
 at an early age makes them more responsible for their actions.
This
 is because when they live alone, they have to make daily decisions by themselves, and these life experiences help them to learn quickly about life without any aid.
For example
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Western countries,
parents
 ask their
children
 to leave their homes because they want their offspring to live independently
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
 making them responsible.
However
, I do not agree with
this
 school of thought because of the reason elucidated below.
On the other hand
, the advocates of the latter viewpoint opine that living with
parents
 helps
people
 to focus on their careers.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that when
children
 are studying in higher education, they need to focus on their studies.
While
 living at
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
home
, they do not have to worry about the extra expenses
such
 as house rents,
electricity
Correct word choice
and electricity
show examples
 bills. To illustrate, my
parents
 allowed me to stay at their
home
 during my studies, and
therefore
, I was able to complete my higher education with flying colours and I have a lucrative career.
Therefore
, I believe that
this
 school of thought is preferable because
people
 can build their careers with their
parents
’ help. In conclusion,
although
 living alone makes
people
 more responsible, I believe that with
parents
’ assistance to stay at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home
,
people
 can become successful.
Submitted by andrewdcw on

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Task Response
Ensure that the essay addresses both views clearly and provides a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good, but ensure that the ideas are organized in a more cohesive manner.
Lexical Resource
Expand the range of vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
Use a wider variety of complex grammatical structures to demonstrate a more extensive range of grammatical control.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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