IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think children should learn to paint and draw at school. Others believe it is just a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

A number of individuals have the notion that children should learn how to draw and make use of colour in institutions
while
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 other people think it is error-prone. Visual arts evoke emotions through an expression of skill and imagination. In the course of
this
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 essay, both views will be discussed to form an opinion.
Firstly
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, children should be given an opportunity to learn
art
Use synonyms
 be it visual or fine,
this
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 makes them express their selves, giving them a wide range of imagination and
also
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 to recreate it in paints and drawings. To illustrate, my brother loves to draw and play with colours, he said he loves drawing because it gives him the ability to recreate and create things in his own way and style.
To conclude
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, when they learn to draw and paint in school, they become so engrossed in it thereby
making
Verb problem
creating
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 a good career,hobby and opportunity for them.
Secondly
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, visual drawing has become less recognizable in our society because people have diverted their selves from the reality of creativity through craft as
such
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 most people find it time-consuming to allow their children to do visual or fine
art
Use synonyms
. They prefer
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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going into stuff they think will make a good
Carrier
Correct your spelling
Career
show examples
 for them: without knowing the effect it causes on them emotionally and physically.
For example
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, my neighbour warned his son not to involve himself in
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
 or any
art
Use synonyms
 subject, the reason is it will not be of good pay to him in future.
This
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 made him very sad and gloomy because he would rather love to draw and paint than solve some boring
maths
Fix the agreement mistake
math
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. In conclusion, we should give into the profession of painting and drawing. By and large, fine
art
Use synonyms
 is a way of communication. In my opinion, youngsters should be encouraged to learn the
art
Use synonyms
 of painting and drawing as
this
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 can make a lifetime career for them.

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Task Achievement
While your introduction outlines the topic, it could be clearer in expressing your own opinion at the end. Try to explicitly state your view in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly develops a single point. Currently, the paragraphs cover multiple ideas, which can make it harder for the reader to follow.
Task Achievement
Consider adding a more balanced approach by discussing the benefits of both learning art and pursuing other subjects in the conclusion. This will give your essay a rounded perspective.
Task Achievement
Your personal examples add a relatable touch to the essay and strengthen your argument about the importance of art in children's lives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • personal expression
  • emotional release
  • overall development
  • fine motor skills
  • hand-eye coordination
  • academic performance
  • STEM fields
  • well-rounded
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • innovation
  • arts education
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