IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Parents should encourage their children to spend less time on study and more time on doing physical activities. Do you agree or disagree?

#parents #children #time #study #activities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Children
Use synonyms
 have to spend more
time
Use synonyms
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 exercise and
parents
Use synonyms
 should help them to arrange their
activities
Use synonyms
 scheme. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, nowadays, more and more
parents
Use synonyms
 want their
children
Use synonyms
 to have many distinct skills, so
children
Use synonyms
 have no
time
Use synonyms
 to do physical
activities
Use synonyms
 that affect their
health
Use synonyms
 and cooperation spirits.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 do more exercise make them
strength
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 their
health
Use synonyms
. Twenty years ago,
children
Use synonyms
 have their own
time
Use synonyms
 to do many physical
activities
Use synonyms
 and they were very
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
.
Recent
Change preposition
In recent
show examples
 years,
children
Use synonyms
 between the competition become fierce in
school
Use synonyms
, the
school
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
 want they spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on study, so some
school
Use synonyms
 took out
sport
Use synonyms
 class and swap to
other course
Change the wording
another course
other courses
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as physical, science,
langrage
Correct your spelling
language
show examples
. etc., and
parents
Use synonyms
 tell them to learn more courses after
school
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 must take
children
Use synonyms
 to parks,
Add an article
the event
an event
show examples
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 just walking around the block or walking
Add an article
a dog
the dog
show examples
dog
Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
show examples
 that all
proved
Wrong verb form
prove
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s
health
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to do sports. If the kids have the
sport
Use synonyms
 course that makes they
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
create
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
 skill or find their interesting about
sport
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 classes which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 running, basketball, baseball or rugby those sports make kids
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
know how to help each other and cause their
interested
Replace the word
interest
show examples
. In doing so, they can release some pressure in
school
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
get better begin to do
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
. To sum up,
children
Use synonyms
 use more
time
Use synonyms
 to do exercise or physical
activities
Use synonyms
 in any way are very important to their
health
Use synonyms
 and team’s cooperation in future and
parents
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role in
children
Use synonyms
’s
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 to help them have
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Nikky on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: