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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Parents should encourage their children to spend less time on study and more time on doing physical activities. Do you agree or disagree?

Children
Use synonyms
 have to spend more
time
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to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 exercise and
parents
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 should help them to arrange their
activities
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 scheme. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, nowadays, more and more
parents
Use synonyms
 want their
children
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 to have many distinct skills, so
children
Use synonyms
 have no
time
Use synonyms
 to do physical
activities
Use synonyms
 that affect their
health
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 and cooperation spirits.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
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 do more exercise make them
strength
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strengthen
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 their
health
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. Twenty years ago,
children
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 have their own
time
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 to do many physical
activities
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 and they were very
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health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
.
Recent
Change preposition
In recent
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 years,
children
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 between the competition become fierce in
school
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, the
school
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 and
parents
Use synonyms
 want they spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on study, so some
school
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 took out
sport
Use synonyms
 class and swap to
other course
Change the wording
another course
other courses
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such
Linking Words
 as physical, science,
langrage
Correct your spelling
language
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. etc., and
parents
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 tell them to learn more courses after
school
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
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 must take
children
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 to parks,
Add an article
the event
an event
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event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 just walking around the block or walking
Add an article
a dog
the dog
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dog
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dogs
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 that all
proved
Wrong verb form
prove
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s
health
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
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 and
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should encourage
children
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 to do sports. If the kids have the
sport
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 course that makes they
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
create
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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 skill or find their interesting about
sport
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 classes which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 running, basketball, baseball or rugby those sports make kids
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
know how to help each other and cause their
interested
Replace the word
interest
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. In doing so, they can release some pressure in
school
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
get better begin to do
new
Add an article
the new
a new
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challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
. To sum up,
children
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 use more
time
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 to do exercise or physical
activities
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 in any way are very important to their
health
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 and team’s cooperation in future and
parents
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 are
also
Linking Words
important
Add an article
an important
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 role in
children
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’s
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 to help them have
health
Use synonyms
.

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