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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a partuclar time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

#areas #curfew #teenagers #doors #partuclar #time #night #adult
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With the advancement of urbanisation, juvenile delinquents are evolving day by day. There has been a controversy among
people
 regarding
teenagers'
Change noun form
teenagers
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 roaming around at
night
 in today's generation. In a few areas in the USA, youngsters are forbidden to go out of doors after a particular time at
night
, and if they want to go are asked to be accompanied by a guardian. I totally agree with
this
 legislation by the authorities, as it will not be safe for those.
Firstly
, most teenagers are getting involved in crime from an early age
while
Correct word choice
apply
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they don’t have the ability to distinguish between good and evil.
Furthermore
, it is effortless for the criminal to manipulate them
to do
Change preposition
into doing
show examples
 illegal deeds so that they easily become the
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
show examples
.
For example
,
according to
 research data, After imposing the new rules in the USA, a significant majority of juvenile delinquents percentage rate fell into decline.
Therefore
, to secure young children's lives from
such
 issues,
this
 rule is considerably fruitful for societies.
Secondly
, recently, wildlife has been observed disturbing local livelihood, especially at
night
, in the United States. To illustrate, from a daily news portal, leopards and wild bears are reported in many regions;
while
 searching for food, they
tried
Wrong verb form
try
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 to attack pet animals and young children.
Consequently
,
this
 news has become a nightmare for the local
people
 because of
this
 phenomenon.
Hence
, to save young
childrens'
Correct your spelling
children'
 parents should not let them go outside alone in the dark.
To conclude
, it is not safe for teenagers to wander alone at
night
 as animals and evil
people
 could be harmful. So, the decision from the
USA
Correct your spelling
US
show examples
 government to stop the youth
going
Change preposition
from going
show examples
 outside alone after a specific time at
night
 is highly appreciable.
Moreover
,
people
 should follow the rules for their safety.
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Task Response
In the introduction, it is important to directly address the prompt statement and clearly state your opinion. You can improve this section by clearly stating your position on the curfew for teenagers and briefly outlining the reasons that support your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with separate paragraphs for each main point. However, ensure that each paragraph is well-linked to the preceding and following ones to enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, work on improving the transition between the introduction and body paragraphs for better cohesion.
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