IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country. Others think that they should live as a separate minority group with a different lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #country #culture #minority #group #lifestyle
The opinion is divided on whether foreigners should maintain their cultural identity in another country or adapt to the new way of life.
Although
 some argue
otherwise
however
 I believe that living as separate small groups hold better benefits.
This
 essay will discuss both views in detail followed by a reasoned conclusion
thereafter
. There are apparently some advantages of adopting a new tradition overseas.
Firstly
, it aids better communication between indigenes and non-indigenes.
For example
, being able to go to school or apply for a job means one has to have some level of proficiency in foreign language usage.
Hence
, learning new ways of living is of importance.
Moreover
, being able to share and practice common activities of other people encourage a sense of belonging.
As a result
, there is less hostility and discrimination of the minority. To illustrate
further
, statistics have shown that the ability to speak native languages of other cultures facilitates friendship better than when there is a deficiency of
such
 skill.
Therefore
 the idea of learning about other cultures could be perceived as welcoming.
In contrast
 to the few merits of embracing other customs, the benefit of securing one's native tongue cannot be overemphasized as it helps to promote cultural diversity.
Accordingly
, helping to ensure the continuity of a tradition from generation to generation.
For instance
, in a recent study, a large number of students are unable to communicate in their native languages since they hardly use them as their mother tongue.
Also
, if
this
 trend continues, future generations can lose track of a vast wealth of information embedded in their inheritance thereby leading to the extinction of the culture. To conclude, learning foreign traditions is dangerous as it can promote the disappearance of the existing tongue
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because preservation of a given custom should be encouraged even at the smallest level to ensure longevity.
Submitted by joshuaosarenmwinda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • assimilate
  • social cohesion
  • integration
  • navigating the job market
  • cultural preservation
  • sense of belonging
  • heritage
  • multiculturalism
  • cultural landscape
  • support network
  • transition
  • multicultural society
  • mutual respect
  • cultural identity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: