IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
With the rapid advancement in the modern
health
 care industry, the issue that needs more public attention in all the society is to use its benefit to particularly, care for senior people. In many parts of the world, the birth rate has been declining,
in contrast
 with that longevity is expected to increase year by year. Due to that, the societies that are experiencing
this
 issue can cope with it by introducing certain legislation and implementing
human
Correct your spelling
human-centred
show examples
centered
Change the spelling
centred
show examples
 policies that support
elders
' well-being, social welfare. In order to do so, it is inevitable that use technological advancement in
health
 care. The
first
 thing that should be taken into consideration is an increase in the investment in
elders
'
health
 insurance and the environment they live in. That can include, various subsidies that provide quality
health
 services to them regularly and improve the conditions and service of nursing homes.
Besides
, creating
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 green public environment, making public
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 and public buildings more
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 for
elders
.
Moreover
, direct investments are
also
 critical for
elders
' well-being.
For instance
, to increase nursers or doctors' salaries, and provide them with educational programs that can improve their services
also
 invest in technology companies that are developing medical products including recovering visual or hearing impairment, or preventing dementia.
Also
, support and accept robots service that delivers foods from grocery stores to in front of
elders
 doors. In closing, I believe it is not
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
rocket science to
adressing
Correct your spelling
addressing
 the emerging issues along with
Correct article usage
the rise
show examples
rise
Change the verb form
rising
show examples
 population of elder
demograph
Correct your spelling
demographic
demographics
, and there are tons of
soluntions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society more
elderly friendly
Add a hyphen
elderly-friendly
show examples
.
Submitted by munkhjin848 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: