IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, traditional art is in facing extinction. Some people think that governments should spend some public money on its preservation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #art #extinction #people #governments #money #preservation
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Traditional
art
Use synonyms
 is part of our national cultural heritage. In recent years, it is facing extinction and many people think that the
government
Use synonyms
 need to support it and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with it. Traditional arts
such
Linking Words
 as folk music, painting, etc... It is a typical culture of a nation. It represents
Add an article
the
show examples
history, so we can see and know about the formation of a nation through it. In my country, our childhood is associated with folk songs when we were born and grow up. Painting can give you imagination and creativity.
For example
Linking Words
, traditional
art
Use synonyms
 courses,
such
Linking Words
 as pottery and paper-cutting classes, in school not only help students to deepen their understanding of their culture and traditions, but
also
Linking Words
 encourage imagination and creativity.
Government
Use synonyms
 need to create more funding for the protection of traditional
art
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. Protecting traditional
art
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 can cost a lot of money but the benefits we have from that will help our economy. The country will have many tourists and people who want to find and discover our traditional
art
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, That will grow the
government
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 tax and build a new workforce that has more imagination and creativity,
whose
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can help the development and financing of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
. The education
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to supply more courses to let people know more about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 as a heritage
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
. The conservation of
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
protect the
proud
Replace the word
pride
show examples
 of the nation. To conclude,
Government
Use synonyms
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to support and give more funding for the conservation of traditional
art
Use synonyms
. Because traditional
art
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more value to education,
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 and society .
Submitted by thanh3405 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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