some people think government is responisble for looking after the elderly, others beleive that it should be family members. Who do you think should take responsibilty?

#people #government #responisble #beleive #members #responsibilty

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Young

people

Use synonyms

have so many necessities in school life and they need some free time to feel relaxed. Nowadays, shopping is the most preferred activity rather than sports and playing instruments for leisure

activities

Use synonyms

. In my opinion, young

people

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could train to find more beneficial

activities

Use synonyms

. There are many reasons why shopping is the

most

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

favourite activity among teenagers.

Firstly

Linking Words

, online shopping has substituted shopping in stores day by day with the increasing use of credit cards.

In addition

Linking Words

, teenagers have the chance to shop without going to the stores and

also

Linking Words

they could return the product that they purchased.

Secondly

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

at young ages tend to describe themselves only with their appearances. The outfit is an important part of

this

Linking Words

description especially with the fact that social media has a great influence on our life.

As a result

Linking Words

, So many teenagers want to be admired for their fashionable clothes and looks. If they want to be fashionable and admirable, they have to go shopping frequently.

Lastly

Linking Words

, young

people

Use synonyms

have a problem with emotional regülation with the effect of unstable hormones. When they experience an adverse life event, they need to distance the negative emotions and shopping lends assistance to do so.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, young

people

Use synonyms

are not successful in planning helpful

activities

Use synonyms

and making logical decisions, they tend to be impulsive and

also

Linking Words

choose easy ways. They could be guided for

this

Linking Words

by parents and teachers. They could do sports like basketball, football and tennis.

In addition

Linking Words

, they could make a hobby like playing instruments and painting. They could spend their time doing more beneficial

activities

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of shopping. In conclusion, young

people

Use synonyms

use shopping for leisure time

activities

Use synonyms

. The reasons for

this

Linking Words

are the spread of online shopping, using shopping for emotion regülation strategy and feeling of being found desirable. In my opinion, young

people

Use synonyms

could do more helpful

activities

Use synonyms

like exercise and doing a hobby

beside

Correct your spelling

besides

show examples

shopping.

Submitted by evrim_bayrak60 on Thu Jan 27 2022

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

319 words

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People say in order to prevent illness and disease, governemt should focus on reducing environmental population and housing problems To what extent do you agree or disagree