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Band 6.5

Alcohol consumption has increased dramatically over the years. Some people believe that government should increase taxes on alcoholic beverages but others oppose to this idea and advocate personal responsibility. What do you think?

#alcohol #consumption #years #people #government #taxes #beverages #idea #advocate #responsibility
Over the past few years,
alcohol
consumption
 has significantly raised due to the origin of a wide range of alcoholic brands and
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
appearance
Replace the word
appears
show examples
 in different advertisement placements. In front of
this
 issue,
people
 have divided into two groups, there are ones who claim that the government should increase taxes on alcoholic drinks and there are others who think that
alcohol
consumption
 should remain a personal responsibility. The
next
 paragraphs examine both sides of the argument until to reach a reasonable conclusion.
Firstly
, it is clear to see why so many
people
 will support the levy increase. One of these reasons is the discouragement of
consumption
 and promotion of a healthy lifestyle.
People
 have to know how irresponsible
consumption
 of
alcohol
 can ruin their lives and how to solve it if it happens/occurs.
Secondly
, the governments could administrate beverage taxes in a positive way,
for example
 investing
this
 money in
people
 affected by alcoholism and helping them to reconstruct their lives.
On the other hand
 of the argument, there are some reasons against the measure. In the
first
place
Add a comma
,place
show examples
 the violation of free will right.
People
 have the primary right to choose and decide what is better for them. In case of imposing the measure,
people
 will act against their will and that will produce general discontent in the society.
Last
 but not the least, why everyone should be punished and paid the same price?
In other words
, it is unfair that occasional consumers of beverage drinks should pay the same price as reckless consumers. In conclusion, I think the governments should protect
people
 from irresponsible
consumption
 of substances
such
 as
alcohol
however
 always allowing the right of personal decision.
Submitted by eugenia.naz12 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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