Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the cut-throat competitive era,most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
are too much busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
their work which leaves them less
time
Use synonyms
to get themselves
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
in some recreational
activities
Use synonyms
.As far as my views are concerned,I
conpletey
Correct your spelling
completely
believe that its disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
However
Linking Words
,I would like to cast light on my views in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with,the
first
Linking Words
and foremost drawback is spending more
hours
Use synonyms
at work leaves an individual
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
to concentrate on their personal
health
Use synonyms
,which
offen
Correct your spelling
often
lead to serious
heart related
Add a hyphen
heart-related
show examples
diseases in a
person
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,a
person
Use synonyms
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
frustrated while
occuping
Correct your spelling
occupying
occupied
with office
activities
Use synonyms
and at that
time
Use synonyms
leisure
activities
Use synonyms
not only solve improves
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
individual mental
health
Use synonyms
but
also
Linking Words
it makes an individual happy which is vital for a healthy life.
Thus
Linking Words
,they
are become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
more productive at their workplace.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent survey by World
Health
Use synonyms
Organisation depicts that in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing nations like India,there are around 60% of the employees
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are mentally stressed because of workload and they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
spent any
time
Use synonyms
on leisure
activities
Use synonyms
which makes their condition even
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
worse.
Therefore
Linking Words
,it is dangerous if an individual is continuously working late without getting themselves
involves
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
in outdoor or indoor
activities
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
to it,a
person
Use synonyms
becomes less social in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society because an individual who spent more
time
Use synonyms
in the office,spend little
hours
Use synonyms
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,in the case when
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
requires support from their neighbours,no one let a helping hand since they don't have much interaction with the members.
For example
Linking Words
,from my personal experience,I have observed that if a
person
Use synonyms
needs to be social
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
then
Linking Words
they must spend more
time
Use synonyms
on recreational
activities
Use synonyms
so to interact with the people which may be
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
to them in certain circumstances.In the end,individuals who spend
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
leisure
activities
Use synonyms
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
less social with the other members of the area. In conclusion,in
this
Linking Words
modern era,most of the private as well as public companies jobs are demanding.They hire people on the commitment of the
time
Use synonyms
they can devote to the company.
Hence
Linking Words
,I assert that its demerits are overlapping its merits as working for long
hours
Use synonyms
and giving less
time
Use synonyms
to recreational
activities
Use synonyms
can lead to
health
Use synonyms
issues in
an individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
individuals
an individual
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
becomes less social in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by amanasati77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: