IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits of living in the cities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #lifestyle #countryside #health #cities
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In
this
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 day and age,
people
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 start being more conscious about their
health
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. While the majority of
people
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believes
Change the verb form
believe
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 that
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countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 environment is conducive to living healthier, a school of thought
seconds
Fix the agreement mistake
second
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 that
people
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 could gain
health
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 benefits in the
cities
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. From my perspective, I strongly agree with the former belief that life in the
countryside
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 is much healthier. On the one hand, it is the
cities
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 that could provide access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
health
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 services for urban dwellers. In effect, governments tend to prioritise and invest in the
health
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 service of the
cities
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 because they have a critical role to play in the development of
such
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 nations. Without an effective public
health
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 system,
cities
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 are obviously vulnerable to diseases, which are a disastrous threat to not only the
health
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 but
also
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security
Correct article usage
the security
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 of citizens. Notwithstanding, to completely
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a healthy lifestyle is impossible for
cities
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'
people
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 due to the environment here is often polluted by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
factories, cars, and the like.
On the other hand
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, I do believe that the
countryside
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 is
such
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 an ideal place for a healthy life due to numerous reasons.
Firstly
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, rural areas are not often exposed to
such
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 kinds of pollution
of
Change preposition
as
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cities
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. The reason is that they
does
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do
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 not have as
much
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many
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 pollution-causing factors like cars, mills, and the like.
In addition
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, there are various trees in the
countryside
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 to filter the air, which is a crucial element of
a
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apply
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good
health
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.
Last
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 but not least, the
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
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 in these places
are
Change the verb form
is
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 beneficial for
people
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's mentality, which
also
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 significantly contributes to
health
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 improvement. In summary,
although
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 living in the
cities
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 could help
people
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 make the most of the
health
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 services here, I must agree that the atmosphere of
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 fully enables each individual to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better
health
Use synonyms
 in a much easier way.
Submitted by namhoangvan.306 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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