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Band 5.5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits of living in the cities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #lifestyle #countryside #health #cities
In
this
 day and age,
people
 start being more conscious about their
health
. While the majority of
people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 environment is conducive to living healthier, a school of thought
seconds
Fix the agreement mistake
second
show examples
 that
people
 could gain
health
 benefits in the
cities
. From my perspective, I strongly agree with the former belief that life in the
countryside
 is much healthier. On the one hand, it is the
cities
 that could provide access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
 services for urban dwellers. In effect, governments tend to prioritise and invest in the
health
 service of the
cities
 because they have a critical role to play in the development of
such
 nations. Without an effective public
health
 system,
cities
 are obviously vulnerable to diseases, which are a disastrous threat to not only the
health
 but
also
security
Correct article usage
the security
show examples
 of citizens. Notwithstanding, to completely
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a healthy lifestyle is impossible for
cities
'
people
 due to the environment here is often polluted by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
factories, cars, and the like.
On the other hand
, I do believe that the
countryside
 is
such
 an ideal place for a healthy life due to numerous reasons.
Firstly
, rural areas are not often exposed to
such
 kinds of pollution
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
cities
. The reason is that they
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 pollution-causing factors like cars, mills, and the like.
In addition
, there are various trees in the
countryside
 to filter the air, which is a crucial element of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good
health
.
Last
 but not least, the
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
 in these places
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 beneficial for
people
's mentality, which
also
 significantly contributes to
health
 improvement. In summary,
although
 living in the
cities
 could help
people
 make the most of the
health
 services here, I must agree that the atmosphere of
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 fully enables each individual to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better
health
 in a much easier way.
Submitted by namhoangvan.306 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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