IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
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Retirement
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 is the final golden chapter in every career, it is a time to reflect on the past, and to enjoy the remaining days with loving ones. Many argue that 65
years
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 should be a defined
retirement
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age
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 for all occupations, while others encourage a varying schema based on each individual
work
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 sector.
This
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 essay agrees that some jobs, that are mentally and physically exhausting, should have a lower
retirement
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age
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 than others. Life should be a balance between
work
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 and leisure, and people have a legitimate right to retire at an early
age
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 and get fully compensated. While some individuals are true
work
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 addicts, and who are looking to be active till their
last
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 breath, others prefer to dedicate the better half of their lives to travel and discover the world. Out of my personal experience, my uncle has been serving in the army for the
last
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 30
years
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, he is now 50
years
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 old, and his current ambition is to travel with his wife, and spend quality time with his grandchildren. Unfortunately,
this
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 is not possible as the legal
retirement
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age
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 in the army is 60
years
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.
Furthermore
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, jobs can fall under 2 big titles, either mental or physical. The former is based on education, experience, earned skills, and knowledge like doctors, architects, financial directors, and other positions. Those can extend their career in doing consultancy
work
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, which will bring great value to any business. The latter physical one is clearly more tiring,
such
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 as construction workers, taxi drivers, Hairdressers, and so on, those have more right to retire at an early
age
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.
For example
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, my other uncle, who is a
55 year old
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55-year-old
show examples
 carpenter, has been working for the
last
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 30
years
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, but currently, he is not able to perform as before, because of chronic back pain and fragile joints. To conclude, governments should not force a specific
retirement
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age
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 for all citizens.
Hence
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, people should have the right to choose what suit them best, especially ones with tiring job types.
Submitted by nibalhoury on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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