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Writing Samples
Band 5

Should animals be kept in Zoos or are they better living in natural habitat? Discuss and give your opinion?

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Introduction
In
this
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 contemporary era,
animals
Use synonyms
 play a sine qua non-role in maintaining the ecosystem.
Therefore
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,some intellectuals perceive that wild
animals
Use synonyms
 ought to be protected in zoos while others
Add the comma(s)
, however,
show examples
however
Linking Words
 refute the claim that,they should be lived in a natural environment.I partially agree with the given statement and my inclination has been elucidated in the
further
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 paragraphs of
this
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 essay.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with,it would be
benefited
Replace the word
beneficial
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 to
animals
Use synonyms
 to live in centuries for better
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy.Out of all,the
first
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 and foremost one is in the
zoo
Use synonyms
 each and every animal will be observed by the department of the sanctuary.To be more specific,
animals
Use synonyms
 do not go hunting as well as to
finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 their shelter.The
zoo
Use synonyms
 is the best place for them to get food at the right
time
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 fruitful for them to get medical treatment at right
time
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.
As a result
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life
Use synonyms
 expectancy of
animals
Use synonyms
 will be increased in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoo
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
,in the area of
zoo
Use synonyms
animals
Use synonyms
 are safe because no one can harm them and
also
Linking Words
 they can protect themself from predators.To simplify,one survey had been conducted by the TOI-The Times of India which showed that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 in
Royal
Correct article usage
the Royal
show examples
zoo
Use synonyms
 had augmented their
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,they got food at right
time
Use synonyms
 and
no
Add a missing verb
had no
show examples
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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disturbance
of
Change preposition
from
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 any other predators.
Body paragraph 2
On the flip side,it would be some pernicious effects on aminals if they were kept in
Use synonyms
zoo
Correct article usage
a zoo
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,some wild species are depended on other
animals
Use synonyms
.If the
animals
Use synonyms
 are kept in the sanctuary
then
Linking Words
,other
animals
Use synonyms
 will be distributed.
As a result
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, the ecosystem will be changed and each and every
Use synonyms
animals
Change to a singular noun
animal
show examples
 will face a problem of food.
Secondly
Linking Words
,in the area of
zoo
Use synonyms
animals
Use synonyms
 does not get a chance to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 in a natural environment.It can lead them to face some side effects in their routine
life
Use synonyms
.In the
zoo
Use synonyms
animals
Use synonyms
 does not go outside
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
cage
Correct article usage
the cage
show examples
 due to
this
Linking Words
,they become clumsy and
also
Linking Words
 faced some serious problems of health in
further
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
.To illustrate,according to Harvard University,
in king
Correct your spelling
inking
show examples
 kong
zoo
Use synonyms
 most of all the
animals
Use synonyms
' behaviour had changed due to, keeping them in the
zoo
Use synonyms
As a result
Linking Words
,their weight was increased and some had faced health maladies.
Conclusion
To recapitulate,
although
Linking Words
 it is quintessential to keep
animals
Use synonyms
 in the
zoo
Use synonyms
,albeit some detrimental effects of the
zoo
Use synonyms
 in
animals
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 should not be neglected.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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