IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: It is argued that mibile phones and other electronic devices have no place in the classroom. To what extent do you agree or diagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knoledge of experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #mibile #phones #devices #place #classroom #diagree #knoledge
These days, everybody
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a mobile
phone
,
uncluding
Correct your spelling
including
 children. It is common opinion that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
such
 modern
technique
Fix the agreement mistake
techniques
show examples
 should be
forbiden
Correct your spelling
forbidden
 at schools.
This
 essay agrees with the statement, that a
phone
 must be restricted during lessons. First of all, all contemporary electronic
devices
 are the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 low attention during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classes. The second reason is the competition between children that might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occure
Correct your spelling
occur
cause
Correct your spelling
because
show examples
 of
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
 level. In the classroom, it is very important to keep all attention on a study subject and a teacher. But modern social media and
accessiable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 information might be the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the decreasing focus.
For example
, for most
children
Add a comma
children,
show examples
 it is easier to spend time watching short funny videos
either
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 to study for a long period of time. Even adults
loosing
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losing
show examples
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 to concentrate
while
 using mobile phones. Bringing the
phone
 into the classroom caused an
interraption
Correct your spelling
interruption
 on it, and the attention went down.
On the other hand
, if scholars
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 any kind of techniques during the class, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still might
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative effect.
For example
, not all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young people or their parents
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to buy even
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
 mobile
phone
. Some of
pupils
Add an article
the pupils
show examples
 might have an
expesive
Correct your spelling
expensive
explosive
 device,
whereas
 others might have only a
phone
.
As a result
, some groups of students often
treating
Wrong verb form
treat
show examples
 others.
This
 situation might be avoided by restricting of using
such
devices
 at school. In
conclusing
Correct your spelling
conclusion
concluding
, it is my firm
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that the classroom is not a good place to use mobile phones. The main goal at the school is to learn from study materials and teachers. Unfortunately, for most learners electronic
devices
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 only distraction or reasons for
bulling
Correct your spelling
bullying
show examples
.
Submitted by nadin45681 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure you provide a clear introduction and conclusion that state your position and summarise your main points.
Lexical Resource
Work on varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the richness of your writing.
Examples & Supporting Evidence
Develop your main points with specific, detailed examples rather than general statements.
Task Response
Address both sides of the argument to fully respond to the question. It enhances the completeness of the response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay requires better organization and clearer transitions between ideas for improved coherence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to ensure the essay is easily readable and appears professionally written.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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