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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast transport for cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #transport #cities
Certain people in some
nation
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nations
show examples
 have the view that it is important to invest huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 building new railway tracks for quick
transport
 for towns. Some perceive the capital should be used to better the already existing public
transport
.
Transport
Add an article
The transport
show examples
 system
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is an essential asset in a
country
.
In
Correct your spelling
It
show examples
 aids in the movement of individuals, as well
goods
Correct word choice
as goods
show examples
 and commodities. The growing population of a
country
has
Add the particle
tohas
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to a conflicting view on whether
investment
Replace the word
investors
show examples
 should be made
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 acquiring fast train lines to aid in quick locomotion or to focus on improving the existing
transport
 systems. I believe that,
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to
releive
Correct your spelling
relieve
 pressure on our
transpots
Correct your spelling
transport
transports
 moods, the government, must build railways but not
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the expense of neglecting the old roads we have.
This
 essay will examine both views and
also
 make
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 view known.
Firstly
, the existence of
Correct article usage
a train
show examples
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
 will boost the
econony
Correct your spelling
economy
 of a
country
 in that, workers and traders will always be at their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 on time
due to
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 fast nature of it.
This
 will enhance progress in the trade of one's product and
also
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 productivity at the work site.
For example
, a
country
 like China has numerous underground rail lines hene making the one of the best in the business field.
Secondly
, there will be a drastic fall in
road
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a road
show examples
 traffic
accident
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accidents
show examples
. Though trains may sometimes be involved in crushes,
but
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apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
occurance
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 is rare. Record
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 it that only 10 out of 10000 of them
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 accident per year.
Lastly
, its introduction into the city will let most owners of
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
 park their cars. As we all know, fumes from these vehicles pollute our
environmet
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Therefore
 when people leave their vehicles at home and join
trail
Correct article usage
the trail
show examples
 track, the atmosphere will be free from harmful
substance
Fix the agreement mistake
substances
show examples
.
However
, the state should
also
 make
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
an effort to fix our bad roads. Potholes on our roads have attributed to 90% of
RTAs
Correct your spelling
RTA
. Meaning attention must be put on fixing them. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe both means of
transport
, will serve the nation greatly.
However
, we must cultivate the habit of
maintenence
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 culture.
Submitted by yahayasonde2 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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