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Band 6

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our lives generally more comfortable but many traditional values and customs have been lost and this is a pity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #lives #values #customs #pity
In the modern world, where many competitions,
people
 are trying to surpass each other.
This
 forced them to work hard, due to be more competitive, because today the
people
 are estimated by their
money
 and cool things. There are opinions that it will harm
people
's traditional values and customs, and it is not good. I agree with
this
 statement for several reasons, which I will explain below.
Firstly
,
people
 really mostly pay attention to the material condition: how much
money
, do they have any brand clothes or not, do they have a car, a house? On the one hand, these are requirements of a comfortable
life
. Today so many stuff, which is a necessity to household,
for example
, refrigerator, washing machine, furniture and other kinds of stuff for home, at least, houses and cars are rising in customs every year. Everyone wants their own home and another thing for
life
. These things are expensive, so
people
 work hard to earn more
money
 to have enough
money
 for
life
. 
On the other hand
, some
people
 spend huge amounts of
money
 to look rich, buying expensive stuff. To watch of
this
 tendency, some
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 that they forget traditional values and customs. Because the
people
 can not influence to changing world. They are mainly concerned about the quality of
life
 and
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
 an important part of
this
 world. They need to work hard and be more educated to be at the forefront. In conclusion, I agree that no one thinks about traditions while they are busy making a living and surviving.
Submitted by akzharkyn010191 on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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