Some people think it is important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more importany to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
struggling to achieve their ambitions, because many individuals believe that having a victorious future is very imperative to survive happily without worries and tensions.
In contrast
,others claim that consuming a lot of
time
with families is important.In my view,we need determination towards our goals to get a decent salary.
this
essay will discuss both statements. To embark on,there are ample benefits by getting a successful future.
firstly
,we can earn more money in order to we can purchase anything that we need.
moreover
,there is a chance to live luxurious life like having own house and car.
secondly
,increases satisfaction rate as well as decreases stress.
furthermore
,it gives you a sense of identity as well as there is a chance to become
famous
Add an article
a famous
show examples
person.
in addition
to
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
you do not have to
Add a missing verb
be dependent
show examples
dependent
Replace the word
depend
show examples
on other people.there is
also
one disadvantage,you do not have enough
time
to do entertainment,because you
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
show examples
with how to reach your goal.
for instance
,according to
survey
Add an article
the survey
a survey
show examples
,
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
future ensures healthier life and amusement. On another hand,
parents
play a crucial role in their children's
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
,so every child try to communicate with them.the advantage of consuming
time
with them
is improves
Change the verb form
is improving
is improved
show examples
mental health.
additionally
,the greatest gifts
parents
give their children is nurturing and caring for them as they grow into adults.
therefore
,every child
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
that taking care of families is
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
thing.when I was young,my family used to take care of me,now,it is my responsibility to protect them by talking with them.
for example
,these days,nursing homes are rapidly increasing due to careless of people.many individuals put their
parents
in old homes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they do not have enough
time
to see them. To conclude,people have diverse mindsets which vary from one person to
other person
Change the wording
another person
other people
show examples
,so it depends on their choice,whether the career is important or
parents
are important.
Submitted by anushachenna15 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritize
  • strike a balance
  • ambitious
  • dedicated
  • work-life balance
  • career-oriented
  • professional success
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • contribute
  • supportive
  • cherish
  • bond
  • memorable
  • experience
  • social connections
  • commitment
  • advocate
  • sacrifice
  • juggle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: