In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies

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In our new age of independence, a notion is spreading widely among the young society to have a one-year break between secondary school and university, for the purpose of either having leisure

time

Use synonyms

or gaining experience. I assume that there are more disadvantages than

its

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apply

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advantages. There are at least two significant reasons why the youth advocate that it is wholesome to have a break

time

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firstly

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, they presume that it could be one the best opportunities in their life to gain experience in their related field and to prepare themselves for their educational future.

For instance

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, I know someone who is working for a mega shop as an accountant owing to the fact that he desires to enrol for an accounting major.

Thus

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, it is considered the best option for him.

Furthermore

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, all of the children passed a

long-way

Correct your spelling

long

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path to end school

time

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, and they deserve a little

time

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to travel in order to rest and alleviate their stress, which was accumulated over these years. Facing mental disease and revealing reluctance to continue their career are the ramifications of lacking pastime.

On the other hand

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although

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it could not be true for everyone, I believe that it has numerous detrimental, namely loss of motivation and sticking to their current job.

First,

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regarding fun

time

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, it would have dreadful effects on studying regularly. In my view,

this

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break will mislead students to keep on having fun and show less attention to their

lesson

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lessons

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Besides

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, when a student, especially a boy, earns even too little money, it seduces him to lay off

Change preposition

from university

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university

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from university

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, and do vocational jobs.

to conclude

Linking Words

whereas

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going travelling and working is beneficial for a man, it could not be true for a student, who must focus on studying intensively and getting ready for his future, So I suggest that they should study constantly and forget to have fun for just a little another period.

Submitted by keivan on Tue Feb 01 2022

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion need to be strengthened by summarizing the key points and clearly stating your opinion. Connect the ideas more smoothly throughout the essay for better cohesion.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Cultural immersion
Life experience
Work ethic
Career readiness
Self-discovery
Delayed gratification
Intellectual stagnation
Financial implications
Social dynamics
Academic trajectory

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at the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults,compared with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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