In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.  Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In our new age of independence, a notion is spreading widely among the young society to have a one-year break between secondary school and university, for the purpose of either having leisure
time
or gaining experience. I assume that there are more disadvantages than
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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advantages. There are at least two significant reasons why the youth advocate that it is wholesome to have a break
time
.
firstly
, they presume that it could be one the best opportunities in their life to gain experience in their related field and to prepare themselves for their educational future.
For instance
, I know someone who is working for a mega shop as an accountant owing to the fact that he desires to enrol for an accounting major.
Thus
, it is considered the best option for him.
Furthermore
, all of the children passed a
long-way
Correct your spelling
long
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path to end school
time
, and they deserve a little
time
to travel in order to rest and alleviate their stress, which was accumulated over these years. Facing mental disease and revealing reluctance to continue their career are the ramifications of lacking pastime.
On the other hand
,
although
it could not be true for everyone, I believe that it has numerous detrimental, namely loss of motivation and sticking to their current job.
First,
regarding fun
time
, it would have dreadful effects on studying regularly. In my view,
this
break will mislead students to keep on having fun and show less attention to their
lesson
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lessons
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.
Besides
, when a student, especially a boy, earns even too little money, it seduces him to lay off
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from university
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university
Change preposition
from university
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, and do vocational jobs.
to conclude
,
whereas
going travelling and working is beneficial for a man, it could not be true for a student, who must focus on studying intensively and getting ready for his future, So I suggest that they should study constantly and forget to have fun for just a little another period.
Submitted by keivan on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be strengthened by summarizing the key points and clearly stating your opinion. Connect the ideas more smoothly throughout the essay for better cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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