IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of rural depopulation (migration from the country to the city) and suggest some ways in which this trend could be reversed.

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 people are more interested in city life rather than living in a village.There are lots of factors which
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
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this
Linking Words
 trend.In
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 forthcoming
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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paragraphs
Punctuation problem
paragraphs,
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 I would like to specify the changes that happened in the countryside
due to
Linking Words
this
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 phenomenon
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as how we can attract society back to rural life.
Firstly
Linking Words
,the main consequence of urban migration is that the quality of growth still remains constant in village areas.The basic facilities like educational institutions,hospitals,
restaurants
Correct word choice
and restaurants
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 all remain underdeveloped when compared to the cities.
For example
Linking Words
,it is easy to get food at home in metropolitan areas
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; nevertheless
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nevertheless
Punctuation problem
nevertheless,
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 villages are far behind in
this
Linking Words
 area.
Secondly
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,the job opportunities available in the village
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 high
due to
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 the labour shortage since most of the people in
keen
Replace the word
keenly
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 interested in the city jobs.
For example
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,there are not enough staff in the government schools and offices near rural fields. The increased migration rate can be reduced by implementing some improvements in the quality of life by the Government.For that ,authorities can implement improved facilities in the countryside
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will encourage the society to stay back in their home town.
For instance
Linking Words
,the public schools in those underdeveloped fields can be modified with the latest technology labs and which will make people more attracted towards that.
Also
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 ,authorities can conduct awareness classes for entrepreneurs ,which will encourage them to start a business in the countryside.
To conclude
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,the population rate of rural areas is less compared to the metro
range
Check wording
area
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due to
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 the high living standards and job opportunities.
However
Linking Words
,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
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 should implement more advanced facilities in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rural
range
Check wording
areas
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will attract more crowds to that part.

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structure
Make a clear plan. Start with a short intro, then each idea in its own paragraph with a topic sentence.
development
Add more facts and simple examples for each point. Show how the effects come from the move to town.
grammar
Check grammar and join ideas. Use simple links like and, but, also, so.
content
Be targeted. State a clear view on what should be done and how.
idea
The essay tries to show a plan to fix the issue with better rooms in the country.
structure
There is a short end that sums the view.
content
Some real ideas are present, like building labs in schools.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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