The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organizations #outweigh

Nowadays, technology is common in the world. humans upload their personal details on international, so our personal details are kept in many establishments. I believe that the benefits are more outstanding than the drawbacks. Because we can access the files easily. Talk about the drawbacks,

Firstly

, the most important is hacking. In the current technology world, shopping

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apply

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online becomes common. Most

people

like to save their credit card detail on online shops, which is easy to let the hacker copy identical info.

Secondly

people

maintain personal detail on social media. Nowadays, we all create many different social media accounts,

such

as Facebook, Twitter or Integrant, and we like to update any news from us;

thus

many cheaters use

people

’s information to earn money.

For example

, a few years ago, I had received a message and the profile was looks like my friend,

then

that guy talks to me and pretends he is my friend and ask me to help her buy the gift card.

On the other hand

people

save information onto iCloud. Recently,

people

use applications which are mobiles, laptops to access iCloud.

For example

, if we upload the info to iCloud and we can work everywhere, anytime.

Moreover

people

use the website for learning.

For example

, one of my friends, she’s work is busy but she wants to improve her English, so she used the internet to study the language. In the consult,

although

we still have some drawbacks, the benefit is more convenient for us. Most online companies are developing their security to let us feel more safety to enjoy using online.

Submitted by Nikky on Thu Feb 03 2022

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

266 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?