IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organizations #outweigh
As technology advances in the modern era, so is the sprouting of popular online apps, that generate millions of users , in which each individual identity
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 taken. There must be some benefits and drawbacks to
this
 but I believe the disadvantages outweigh the precedence. For tech giants,
collection
Correct article usage
the collection
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vast amount of customer statistics and
then
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
collaborating with government agencies, the data shared can lead to invaluable discoveries boosting innovation and solving humanitarian problems.
For instance
, a telecommunication company in Colombia shares call input with
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Nations Food and Agriculture Organization to measure the movements of people
due to
 climate change.
Moreover
, with the shared information online, everyone is traceable. It may sound horrendous but to some extent, it is safer. Criminals can easily be tracked and
further
 attacks can be prevented. In 2008, police in the United States
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 able to arrest 72 gang members, by pulling out
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vast amount of information from Facebook.
On the other hand
, the internet world could be dangerous if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online companies,especially the smaller ones, don't know how to protect themselves.Unsecured websites can compromise the identities of their users.
First,
someone's personal info can be accessed by computer hackers .
This
 may result in stolen credit card information or files getting attacked by viruses and worms.
In addition
, spammers lurk around the internet looking for potential prey, by sending unsolicited emails and messages. Spam mails can
then
 direct the recipient to phishing websites or sites that download malware to the victim's computer. In conclusion,
although
, personal statistics kept by internet companies may lead to several benefits to individuals and society, it may
also
 come with a price. Having individual privacy compromised has much more negative impacts and could endanger the lives of people.
Submitted by 2563150921 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, make sure to clearly address the prompt question throughout the essay. Provide a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in equal detail.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by organizing your ideas in a more structured manner. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure smooth transitions between ideas to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: