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Writing Samples
Band 4

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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As technology advances in the modern era, so is the sprouting of popular online apps, that generate millions of users , in which each individual identity
was
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is
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 taken. There must be some benefits and drawbacks to
this
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 but I believe the disadvantages outweigh the precedence. For tech giants,
collection
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the collection
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 of
the
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a
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 vast amount of customer statistics and
then
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by
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collaborating with government agencies, the data shared can lead to invaluable discoveries boosting innovation and solving humanitarian problems.
For instance
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, a telecommunication company in Colombia shares call input with
United
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the United
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 Nations Food and Agriculture Organization to measure the movements of people
due to
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 climate change.
Moreover
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, with the shared information online, everyone is traceable. It may sound horrendous but to some extent, it is safer. Criminals can easily be tracked and
further
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 attacks can be prevented. In 2008, police in the United States
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was
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 able to arrest 72 gang members, by pulling out
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a
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the
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a
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 vast amount of information from Facebook.
On the other hand
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, the internet world could be dangerous if
the
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online companies,especially the smaller ones, don't know how to protect themselves.Unsecured websites can compromise the identities of their users.
First,
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someone's personal info can be accessed by computer hackers .
This
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 may result in stolen credit card information or files getting attacked by viruses and worms.
In addition
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, spammers lurk around the internet looking for potential prey, by sending unsolicited emails and messages. Spam mails can
then
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 direct the recipient to phishing websites or sites that download malware to the victim's computer. In conclusion,
although
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, personal statistics kept by internet companies may lead to several benefits to individuals and society, it may
also
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 come with a price. Having individual privacy compromised has much more negative impacts and could endanger the lives of people.

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task response
For task response, make sure to clearly address the prompt question throughout the essay. Provide a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in equal detail.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by organizing your ideas in a more structured manner. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure smooth transitions between ideas to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
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