IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

IN MANY COUNTRIES IT IS NOW ILLEGAL TO ADVERSTISE ALCOHOL DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE ?

#countries #adverstise #alcohol
IT is undeniable fact in most nations displaying liquor is against the law at present which is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 physical growth as well as for mental growth.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate my views IN support of
this
 notion and
thus
 will lead to a logical conclusion . To eliminate the combat of problems. Human kinds are now easily getting influenced through media, advertisements,poster holding and many more.
Alcohol
becoming
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
 the gateway for youngsters toward vanishing their identity and start moving in the direction of the wrong path by and large they catch things easily in the age of between 15-20 which may be destroyed their mental and physical health. For ,instance
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 survey in Germany and Italy proclaim that there is drastic growth in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngster of
alcohol
-
consumingconsumption
Correct your spelling
consuming consumption
 which increased up to 19% in the past 8 months
Thus
, one way is avoiding advertisement lead them to downfall in the percentage of liquor consumers. ,
Nevertheless
Add a comma
,Nevertheless
show examples
 there are potential ways to solve
this
 problem or at least reduce the effects.
Administration
Add an article
The administration
show examples
 has to comply and implement the law that only
above
Correct pronoun usage
those above
show examples
 the age of 18 can buy
alcohol
 showing their identification card
such
 as driving licence pan card etc. To ensure the buyer is legal to purchase the item . In ,addition companies have to increase the font of the ingredients which was added to produce their products. So consumers focus on ingredients and are aware of what he/she is buying
Hence
this
 thing will be
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
 address to reduce the death rate due to
alcohol
 . in conclusion , everything that has been stated if media start avoiding the
alcohol
 advertisement and individual is aware of what he/she is buying. So it is my firm conviction there is a prodigious downfall in the mortality rate of
alcohol
 consumers.
Submitted by naresh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: