IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people why might be the case do you think this is a positive or negative situation

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The preference of family to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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 the condo has any reason.they want their most of time spent with family rather than renting their mansion to others.
This
Linking Words
 is a debatable topic and I am going to delve into my points in upcoming paragraphs. To embark on most of the mass is
want
Fix the infinitive
to want
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 to live with their family with peace and full privacy. Most of the time all members of the family are busy at their jobs. They
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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don't
Verb problem
do not have
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 enough time to spend with their loved ones. Probing
further
Linking Words
, in a rental house,they can't get much privacy and they have to compromise with
this
Linking Words
 environment,
for example
Linking Words
, in India,most of the people
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 happily with their family in their own house and Indians prefer buying a house rather than living in rental properties.
However
Linking Words
, in shared rooms or rental properties, people have to share the kitchen, rooms and bathrooms. Next to it,these types of lifestyles cause hygiene issues and
also
Linking Words
 encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
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disease-causing bacteria to spread and cause chronic diseases like cancer and asthma.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Europe, around the year 2001, drastic diseases
encountered
Add a missing verb
were encountered
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half
Change preposition
in half
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 of the European cities with the harmful infection named the plague. And,its main cause is
shared
Correct article usage
the shared
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 properties
garbage
Change preposition
of garbage
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 and unhygienic used materials.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is important to live in own home with proper care.
To conclude
Linking Words
 ,folk who live in their own shacks are more stable, clean and healthy.
While
Linking Words
 families who lived in rental homes experienced a lot of difficulties. So it is a positive thing that the public is willing to live in their own home

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task response
The essay addresses the topic of owning a home vs. renting one. However, the introduction is weak and does not clearly state the writer's position. The conclusion is also brief. To improve, provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction and conclude by summarizing key points and restating your stance.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. Paragraphs lack smooth transitions, leading to a choppy progression of thought. In addition, some examples are not fully developed or relevant to the main argument. To enhance coherence and cohesion, use linking words/phrases to connect ideas and ensure each paragraph contributes cohesively to the overall argument.
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