IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
Kids are raised in different styles in different countries. Yet, one of the most similar raising behaviours is telling
children
 that they can get success in any subject if they
work
 hard for it.
This
 behaviour may cause some results in good terms and bad terms. As regards good ones,
children
 may learn not to give up in any sort of challenging situation while they try to achieve anything.
However
, they may
also
 lose their confidence due to getting no success from time to time, even though they try hard. In daily life, many people have to face to face with lots of tough situations while they try to achieve their goals in their jobs or social lives. While some people prefer to fight in order to overcome the problematic situation, others may prefer to run away and do nothing about it. According to research, these two reactions are relevant to the raising styles of these people. A recent study showed that
children
 who grew up in an encouraging environment where they have been told that they can achieve anything if they
work
 hard for it, have more courage while they have to deal with a tough position and try to achieve their aims.
On the contrary
,
children
 who had been raised in an opposite environment than the encouraging one, have more tendency to give up easily in any sort of problematic situation.
However
, overdose encouraging may have some negative results.
Children
 might start to believe that they can reach any sort of aim if they try hard. Sadly, sometimes these efforts are not enough to achieve their targets even though they do their best.
Moreover
, there may some other conditions which are not relative to
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 hard
such
 as network or economic situations.
As a result
, when they become adults and don’t achieve what they want, they may lose their confidence and stop working for it at all. In conclusion,
children
 should be raised in an environment
where
Replace the word
were
show examples
 told they can achieve their aims usually if they
work
 hard, yet sometimes
this
 might not be the result and they have to learn to move on with their lives without losing their confidence.
Submitted by kosebengisu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: