IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

ome people consider price as most important thing to buy product (such as cell phone) or service (e.g. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

#ome #people #price #product #cell #phone #service #e #g #treatment
There is no doubt that the role of consumerism in our lives is increasing rapidly in comparison with over the
last
 decade. It is believed that the cost of products we need is the most influential one when
people
 purchase something for themselves, including several technologies and services. I completely disagree with
this
 viewpoint and
this
 essay will be supported with some examples.
Firstly
, I believe that price does not play an important role during the time of taking your favourite items from any stores. There is something else to think about,
such
 as
brand
Correct article usage
the brand
show examples
 and quality of the product.
For example
, those who want to flaunt their wealth never mull over the cost of products as they are interested in being in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 eye.
In addition
, if somebody who got accustomed to using their familiar brands
such
 as Apple or Samsung, they ,it does not matter how the price high, will definitely get them.
That is
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they know how to utilize
well
Correct pronoun usage
it well
show examples
 since they have been using
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 their entire life and feel comfortable rather than using different ones. Another reason why I disagree with
this
 opinion is that they tend to be treated like affluent
people
 especially in terms of medical treatment.
For instance
, if
people
 had problems with their health, they were made to go
poor
Change preposition
to poor
show examples
 quality hospitals because of
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 budget in the past.
However
,
this
 phenomenon turned into positive sides with help of globalization which enables us to go abroad and opens the door to a new custom, new lifestyle and job opportunity as well. They realized that human life should
be stayed
Change to the active voice
stay
have stayed
show examples
 in the
first
 stage of
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 cycle.
Therefore
, it is often said that the better health you have got, the longer you are likely to live. In conclusion, some
people
 think that the consideration of a product or service is the most important thing while deciding
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
good or service, but I think it
isnot
Correct your spelling
is not
isn't
is now
 necessary in the majority of cases.
Submitted by muzaffarbek.asronov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: