IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #think #government #responsibility
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Humankind is in a midst of a fat crisis,
in other words
Linking Words
, the obesity epidemic. In numerous developed countries, mostly, kids have been putting on weight which is extremely harmful to their health. Some individuals presume that government has a significant role to tackle the situation. I completely agree with the statement and I will list some reasons to support my position.
First
Linking Words
, more and more children are seriously overweight which causes
such
Linking Words
 health-related issues as heart disease, two types of diabetes, cancer and hypertension. Children eat too much junk food and drink sugar-sweetened beverages because they live in a food swamp. And if people have already had
this
Linking Words
 problem that simply means parents cannot rely on personal responsibility.
For instance
Linking Words
, the food industry pays retailers to place the products in a prominent location so everyone cannot ignore
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. The government must create new law restrictions against fast-food advertisers to prevent their
further
Linking Words
 actions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, restaurants and supermarkets sell people more calories than they can burn. Younger members of society and their parents need to be informed and trained. One of the vital duties of the country is to train the community to eat less and exercise more. Take a daily workout as an example, exercise burns calories and helps to build healthy bones and muscles.
This
Linking Words
 can be promoted by adding more time for sports on school timetables. To conclude, the government should resolve
this
Linking Words
 problem by creating conditions to succeed in public health. I strongly believe authorities can essentially reduce the rate of obesity.
Submitted by asatryan.agapi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: