Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that wehave a very sedentary lifestyle. To what extent to you agree?

#people #world #fact #wehave #lifestyle

There is a belief that most of the illnesses that

people

are having these days

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are

show examples

caused by the lack of physical activity.In my opinion,

this

is partially true, because a part of health problem is caused by the fact that

people

simply

livelonger

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live longer

. It is not a surprise that a lot of

people

usually sit at work

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apply

show examples

when they drive a car or have a rest at home.

This

has a

lotof

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lot of

lot

a negative impact on their

helth

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health

because they do not have any physical

exersice

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exercise

. Working out is

importantbecause

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important because

it improves the immune system of a person which is vital because

this

is the

first

thing that helps

organismto

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organism to

organisms to

fight against different viruses and infections. So, due to the fact that

the

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apply

show examples

there is not enough sport in

people'slifestyle

Correct your spelling

peoples lifestyle

people lifestyle

, they are more vulnerable to

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

sick. But on the order hand, today

people

have a longer life expectancy. Now a lot of jobs are not as dangerous as

theyused

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they used

to be in past. The cells of their bodies are older and less flexible they cannot

comlete

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complete

compete

comment

their functions as well

asyoung

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as young

young

fibers

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fibres

show examples

. Many diseases were not common in

past

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part

show examples

because

people

did not live long enough for

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them

show examples

. The rate

ofcardio

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of cardio

cardio

-vascular problems

has

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have

show examples

risen recently because

usually

Add a comma

,usually

show examples

they occur when

people

are over 70.

Thus

, there

arenow

Correct your spelling

are now

more illnesses because

people

live more. The summarize

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apply

show examples

it is still true that many

Change preposition

apply

show examples

health problems are because of the absence of physical exercise.

However

, a part of

such

problems has appeared because more

people

get to an older age.

Submitted by icemarat6 on Sat Feb 05 2022

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that wehave a very sedentary lifestyle. To what extent to you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what some extent do you agree or disagree?