Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some
people
believe that
in
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apply
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the present
technology
inclined
Verb problem
is
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being used to monitor what
the
Correct article usage
apply
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users are saying and doing
such
as tracking
people
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people's
show examples
position through a
smartphone
. In my opinion, I agree with the invention bringing a lot of
benefit
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benefits
show examples
in
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to
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human life now, even though there was an issue that said the cell phone company monitored
people
from afar. In developed countries like the United Kingdom, Japan, Korea, and others, many
people
used
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use
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home
security
technology
with cameras that are connected to their smartphones. It helps working parents
to
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apply
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protect their homes
while
going to the office. Another advantage for parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
that
technology
with a nanny service to take care of their baby is feeling calmer to see them than without camera monitoring.
For example
, my brother and my sister-in-law are working parents so they put a camera in front of the
home
gate, and living room to guard their house, so they did not need to hire
security
to protect their
home
.
On the other hand
, much news on the internet
spread
Wrong verb form
spreads
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a rumor that big
smartphone
companies always track individual positions through their system,
However
, that issue does not
make
Verb problem
prevent
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a person limit them using a
smartphone
. The reason behind that because
with
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that
show examples
using a
smartphone
can bring easy access to the user for using many services.
For instance
, the students can access their
mathematic
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mathematics
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e-book
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e-books
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through their cell
phone
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phones
show examples
and do not need to struggle to put the big
boog
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book
show examples
in their bag, the price is cheaper than the hardcover book. To summarize, It is obvious that
technology
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technological
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development solved many problems
around
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in
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human life
such
as
home
security
guards and easy access to many facilities on the phone application. Even though their movement is always
get monitoring
Wrong verb form
monitored
show examples
,
however
Rephrase
apply
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many countries have already implemented a cyber
security
policy to avoid that kind of problem.
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task response
Provide a more detailed and balanced response to the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of technology monitoring. Develop your ideas further to provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is generally logical and the introduction and conclusion are present. Focus on organizing your ideas more coherently within paragraphs to enhance overall coherence and cohesion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Surveillance
  • 2. Monitoring
  • 3. Cell phone tracking
  • 4. Security cameras
  • 5. Public safety
  • 6. Law enforcement
  • 7. Privacy concerns
  • 8. Personal freedom
  • 9. Autonomous
  • 10. Breach of trust
  • 11. Misuse of information
  • 12. Institutional integrity
  • 13. Psychological impact
  • 14. Mental well-being
  • 15. Societal trust
  • 16. Paranoia
  • 17. Transparency
  • 18. Stringent regulations
  • 19. Criminal deterrence
  • 20. Apprehension of criminals
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