IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #purpose #education #society #individuals #ambitions
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People
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 have different views about the aim of
education
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, some believe that providing useful
people
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 for the community is its purpose and others say that securing the
people
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's goals is its aim.
While
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 both of these groups have their reasons, I strongly believe that the first opinion is more rational. Both views will be addressed in
this
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 essay. On one side of
this
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 argument, there are
people
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 who claim that
education
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 essentially has been created in order to provide beneficial individuals for
society
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. The main reason for believing
this
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 is that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of schools are funded by taxes,
therefore
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, they should be productive for
society
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 and the public who pay these taxes.
In addition
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, considering the needs of the community will guarantee the future of whole the
society
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.
For example
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, if
education
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 can
accomplish
Verb problem
provide
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 some experts for all
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
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 of our town, the town will be developed in every aspect and
consequently
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, the quality of life for all of us will be increased. I personally advocate
this
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 notion.
On the other hand
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, it is possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that ,in fact, the main role of
education
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 is helping
people
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 to obtain their ambitions. the public has
this
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 opinion because they suppose they have a right to
be for reaching
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 their purposes by using free
education
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 and it is based on freedom.
Furthermore
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, if
education
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 considers the individuals' interests and goals, they will undoubtedly be useful and productive for the community
due to
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 their higher performance in comparison with others.
For instance
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, a recent study in Iran indicates that the performance of a person who has studied in his favourite field is 40 per cent higher than others. In conclusion,
although
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 I believe that both of these groups have their reasons, I undoubtedly claim that the main purpose of
education
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 is providing skilful and useful individuals for
society
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.
Submitted by elnazkarimi1386 on

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task response
Make sure to clearly address all parts of the prompt and provide a balanced argument for both sides.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of the essay by structuring it more clearly. Include a stronger introduction and conclusion to better frame the discussion.
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