IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#people #zoos #animals
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Many argue that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are unfair for
animals
Use synonyms
 due to animal
crueality
Correct your spelling
cruelty
cruciality
 and should have shut down and
on the other hand
Linking Words
, many agree that
zoos
Use synonyms
 can be protective for wild
animals
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. I strongly believe that
,
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apply
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zoos
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 are
attraction
Correct article usage
an attraction
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 point for many children and educate them but it is very cruel for
animals
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 because they can't live freely under the constant observation of humans.
People
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 argue that
,
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apply
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zoos
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 are very much cruel
for
Change preposition
to
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animals
Use synonyms
 because they can't survive in constant human interference and observations. Apart from that,
zoos
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 are built mostly in
a city areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
city areas
a city area
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 and are very congested where
animals
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 can't even roam around properly and get sick instantly by staying locked in a cage or place because they are habitats to live freely in
natural
Add an article
a natural
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 atmosphere and due to that reason many
animals
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 dead. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, Tigers cannot stay
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a single place as they need to roam around and putting them in the cage will make them feel pressured and later they get sick and might have
dead
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died
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. So I
strongly
Add a missing verb
am strongly
show examples
 against it to put wild
animals
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
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.
However
Linking Words
, many
people
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 believe that putting wild
animals
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
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 are very safe for them
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 for endangered
animals
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such
Linking Words
 as Asia Tigers, Pandas, etc., Where they can be taken
cared
Replace the word
care
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properly
Change preposition
of properly
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 by humans. Other than
this
Linking Words
,
zoos
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 are the attraction point for many
people
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 and educate children as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, by visiting
zoos
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 students get to know more about wild
animals
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 which they have only seen in the
move
Correct your spelling
movie
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 or books.
Also
Linking Words
, it is an earning point as well from where
government
Add an article
the government
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 gets
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 amount of money because it attracts most
people
Use synonyms
 and children towards it. To sum up,
zoos
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 are truly unfair for wild
animals
Use synonyms
 as they can be taken
cared
Replace the word
care
show examples
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 moving them in wild reserved areas,
Also
Linking Words
 I prefer to see them in videos or movies rather than seeing them locked in the cage.
Submitted by goswamimanisha403 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
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