IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effects #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Computers
Use synonyms
 are essential in our daily lives. As the
world
Use synonyms
 is evolving, technologies are expanding and usage of
computers
Use synonyms
 is widespread across the whole
world
Use synonyms
. The daily use of
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 by
children
Use synonyms
 have more disadvantages compared to advantages.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the negative impacts on
children
Use synonyms
 who use
Use synonyms
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 daily. One of the negative impacts is that using a
computer
Use synonyms
 and watching
screen
Correct article usage
a screen
show examples
 every day
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 makes our eyes weak. The exposure of light from the screen to the users will give rise to
visibility
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
. Those
issues
Use synonyms
 are hard to diminish and it produces unnecessary expenses. People who work with
computers
Use synonyms
 daily tend to have glasses or contact lenses
such
Linking Words
 as IT
technician
Fix the agreement mistake
technicians
show examples
. The
visibility
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
last
Linking Words
 for a lifetime and it gets difficult to get back to normal once those
issues
Use synonyms
 start arising. Another negative impact would be the lack of communication and socialising.
Children
Use synonyms
 will be more interested in the contents of
computers
Use synonyms
 rather than socialising and communicating with real people. Nowadays, we can see that many
children
Use synonyms
 play video games and most of them turn out to be introverts. They put their focus on using
computers
Use synonyms
 rather than experiencing the
world
Use synonyms
. Socialising is a part of life and
children
Use synonyms
 should learn to socialise. Usage of
computers
Use synonyms
 daily allows the
children
Use synonyms
 to create their own
world
Use synonyms
 and that affects the
children
Use synonyms
 to communicate less with people around them.
This
Linking Words
 essay has agreed that the daily usage of
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 has adverse effects on
children
Use synonyms
. The negative factors
such
Linking Words
 as increased
visibility
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
 and lack of socialising are difficult to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Children
Use synonyms
 should avoid using
computers
Use synonyms
 daily to reduce the risks of
visibility
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
 and to communicate efficiently with family, friends and others.
Submitted by Zinnat Baygam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: