IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Walking is known to be beneficial for health yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?

#health #people
Nowadays, walking as a physical
exercise
 has been decreasing in popularity in spite of its advantages for physical and mental wellbeing.
This
 is due to the lack of suitable places to
exercise
, and
this
 situation can be solved by constructing parks and pathways dedicated to walking. Most of the major cities are crowded with
people
 and buildings;
thus
, leaving no space to work out. Since walking
exercise
 needs much space without distractions,
people
 face multiple difficulties to perform it in overpopulated cities. As an example, the area I live in is the downtown of the city, Yangon, which is filled with busy traffic and businesses. As a consequence, I feel discouraged to go for a walk during my free time due to these obstacles. Government can alleviate
this
 problem by building more public places and pedestrian pavements in the urban areas where a large number of
people
 gather. These spots should be easily accessible from surrounding neighbourhoods and should have a large area
that is
 sufficient enough to hold a great number of
people
 without much disturbance. According to research from Griffith University,
people
 are more motivated to do
exercise
, particularly walking, if they are provided with a peaceful and pleasant location near their houses. In conclusion, from strolling around to walking and jogging, these physical activities are not interesting enough for many
people
 to perform them daily despite many beneficial effects for their health because there are not many available spaces for these actions;
however
, by building parks and allowing more public areas,
people
 will become more enthusiastic to do these physical actions again.
Submitted by ttz27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: